Quick Hits

Some random stuff I've been thinking the past few days. Nothing more than a paragraph long:

-The September sitcom rankings will probably not be out until Sunday. At this point, Better With You is the only new show I see getting a 2nd season, although Running Wilde improved massively from episode 1 to 2, and $#*! My Dad Says and Outsourced both have their 2nd eps tonight. And I don't think Outsourced was anywhere near as offensive as some critics said beforehand.

-The Glee Britney/Brittany episode was one of the best episodes of the series. Spears was used perfectly- minimally and for humor. Heather Morris can actually sing! After not singing the entire first season (including some numbers where she was the only one in New Directions not to have a solo line). Learning her full name is Brittany S. Pierce was a great twist, and the music videos were recreated spot on. John Stamos was introduced well, and I'm excited for him to get some singing in, presumably in duet form with Mr. Shuster. Just an overall great episode.

-One report has the Knicks possible completing a trade for Carmelo Anthony as early as tonight, after last week's trade with the Nets fell through. Over the past couple of days my mind has changed on this. Danillo Gallinari and Anthony Randolph may become stars. But Carmelo Anthony is already a top 10 NBA player. The past 20 years, only 1 team (the 2004 Detroit Pistons) have won a championship without 2 legit stars. The Lakers have Kobe and Gasol, the Celtics Big 3, the Spurs had any combination of Duncan/Parker, Duncan/Ginobili, and Duncan/Robinson, the Heat had Wade and Shaq, the first Lakers 3peat had Shaq and Kobe, the Bulls had Jordan and Pippen, and the Rockets had Hakeem and Drexler. Right now the Lakers still have Kobe and Gasol (with Odom and Artest as a nice 3/4), the Heat have Bosh and Wade, the Celtics have Rondo and whoever is hot from Garnett/Allen/Pierce, the Mavs have Kidd and Dirk, the Bulls have Rose and Boozer, the Jazz have DWill and Jefferson, the Spurs still have Duncan, Ginobili, and Parker, the Magic have Dwight Howard and Lewis/Vince. The Knicks have Amare and...a bunch of role players. I'd much rather hold on to one of the Randolph or Gallo in a trade for Melo (and of the 2, I'd prefer Gallo. He's been built up at MSG the past 2 years, while Randolph would essentially be Lee-for-Melo), but if Denver would do the trade for those 2 and Eddie Curry, and  either Wilson Chandler or Toney Douglas. A lineup of Turiaf/Amare/Melo/Azubuke/Felton could definitely be a playoff team, with either Chandler or Douglas off the bench, along with the big Russian, Roger Mason, and Bill Walker. So I'm hesitant. But I'd do it.

Isn't She Lucky, This Hollywood Girl?

It's Britney Spears Night at William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.

And while I personally, am looking forward to the Brittany part of "Britney/Brittany" (which I may be watching on Hulu tomorrow instead, thanks Time Warner), the highlight is of course the 28 year old Ms. Spears, Alexander, Spears, Federline, Spears. And if Glee can do a Britney episode, well I can do a Britney post.

My Top Twenty Favorite Britney Spears Songs:

20. Gimme More

19. Boys

18. Overprotected

17. Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know

16. From the Bottom of My Broken Heart

15. I Love Rock 'n' Roll*

14. Womanizer

13. Me Against the Music

12. Piece of Me

11. I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman

10. If U Seek Amy

9. I'm a Slave 4 U

8. 3

7. Oops!...I Did It Again

6. Everytime

5. Toxic

4. (You Drive Me) Crazy

3. ...Baby One More Time

2. Sometimes

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1. Lucky

Yes, I'm a sucker for the old, teenage Britney stuff. The top 7 are all from her first few albums.

*I know Rock 'n' Roll is a cover, and far inferior to the Joan Jett version**, but still it is pretty good.

**Fun Fact #24- The Joan Jett version itself was a cover. The song was originally released by a group named The Arrows.

Of course this isn't Britney's first TV cameo. In 1999, Spears played herself on an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

In 2006 Britney played Jack McFarland's Southern, Conservative, Christian cohost of his talk show on a gay television

                      network on Will and Grace.

And in 2008, Britney appeared in two episodes of How I Met Your Mother, as Stella's (Ted's one-time fiancee and dermatologist) assistant who was in love with Ted. In the second episode, while Barney fought to win back Ted's friendship, he slept with her and mock-proposed to her, the mock part of which she did not pick up on.

Oh yeah, and she had that reality show with ex-husband Kevin Federline. That worked out as well as it worked for Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. Or John and Kate Gosselin. Or Liza Minelli and David Gest. Or the Hogans. Or Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Or Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. Hey Celebrities! Don't do reality TV with your spouse!

But of course, that wasn't Britney's only acting gig. No, who could forget Crossroads, the 2002 film starring, wait for this, Spears, SNL's Dan Aykroyd, Sex and the City's Kim Cattrall, Avatar's Zoe Saldana, and Dodgeball's (among many others) Justin Long. Oh, and the writing? Shonda Rhimes. Yeah, the one who created Grey's Anatomy. Yup. Crossroads. And what did they get with all that talent?

"I went to Crossroads expecting a glitzy bimbofest and got the bimbos but not the fest." -Roger Ebert

But let's be fair to Britney. Crossroads is no worse than the 4th worst movie in the 2000s starring a late 90s/early 00s attractive female pop star:

3. From Justin to Kelly (2003)- Just an absolutely dreadful idea. Who possibly thought this was a smart decision? How did the conversation go? "You know those 2 kids who have absolutely no entertainment industry experience other than the 12 weeks we've been airing them on national tv? Let's make them make a movie!" To be fair, co-star Anika Noni Rose recovered with Dreamgirls.

2. Glitter (2001)- Mariah Carey is very, very good looking. Mariah Carey has an incredible voice, one of the top couple of her era. But Mariah Carey cannot act. Interesting finds in this movie though- Oscar Nominated Actor Terrence Howard, and Top Chef cohost Padma Lakshmi. Who knew?

1. Gigli (2003)- Gigli is considered by many the worst movie ever made. Is this because of Jennifer Lopez? Probably not. After all, Maid in Manhattan wasn't terrible. But it probably wasn't because of Ben Affleck, Al Pacino, or Christopher Walken either. So we'll put it on J-Lo. At least that makes From Justin to Kelly only the 2nd biggest film flop for someone on American Idol.

Anyway, that wraps up this Britney post. Enjoy "Britney/Brittany!"

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x1 Poehler/Perry

Tonight Amy Poehler becomes the 4th former female SNL cast member to come back to host (following Tina Fey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Molly Shannon), and Katy Perry becomes the first person to be an SNL musical guest the same week a segment she filmed for Sesame Street was pulled from the show.

For the record, here are my predictions. These are based on nothing except published articles, and educated guesses. So if I get them right, compliment me:

I am now guessing there will be 9 cameos, as follows:

-Maya Rudolph (for Bronx Beat?)
-Jimmy Fallon (some sort of extended Really?!?!?)
-Tina Fey (see Fallon)
-Governor David Paterson (D-NY) (reported in several places)
-Will Arnett (wife is hosting, new series to promote)
-Rashida Jones (she was in NY for Fallon on Thursday with Poehler, despite not having to promote Parks and Rec since it is a midseason show)
-Aziz Asnari (comedy comes in 3s. And Rob Lowe probably busy)
-Justin Timberlake (According to AOTS/Daily Show's Olivia Munn, he will be at the screening of his new film Social Network in Manhattan tomorrow. He is probably the most popular cameo on the show the past 5 years. And he and Fallon could bring back the Barry Gibb Talk Show, with guests Poehler's Hillary, Fey's Palin, Rudolph's Michelle Obama, and either Armisen's Paterson, or the actual Governor Paterson)
-Colbie Smulders (probably just an audience shot, or introducing 2nd musical guest, but her baby daddy (not sure boyfriend/husband/fiance) makes his SNL debut tonight, so I think she gets there. Also I think it's her wedding on HIMYM.)
-I also think Russell Brand is a possibility.

They do Barry Gibb Talk Show, Bronx Beat, and The Dakota Fanning Show out of Poehler's past.

In a surprise, after more than a season off, Wiig and Sudeikis bring back "Two A-Holes"

Lorne Michaels appears in the episode.

I'll be back at 11:30!

Sketch 1- Wiig plays a solid Chistine O'Donnell, in a sketch with Sudeikis and Hader. Random Michael Vick dog fight joke. Someone in the writers' room had Kevin Kolb on their fantasy team. Talks about an extreme sketchy past. Surprisingly well done compared to last season's political sketches. Then they have her fly away like wicked witch. Not bad at all. B+

Theme- Nice to see Elliot/Moynihan move to regulars after 2 years as featured players. Pardo recorded sounds the same as Pardo live.

Monologue- Poehler looks incredible considering she gave birth like a month ago. Great Parks and Rec joke. Shoutout to the 4 newbies (including Mr. Smulders). Crazy dream scene. Pedrad brings in an old Poehler favorite, Kaitlin. CAMEO #1 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. CAMEO #2 RACHEL DRATCH. Killed by a Polar Bear. CAMEOs #3&4 TINA FEY and JIMMY FALLON. Keenan appears as a black Lorne Michaels. Inception joke. Unbelievable monologue. A+

Sketch 2- Bronx Beat. CAMEO #5 MAYA RUDOLPH. I was never a Bronx Beat fan, but I'm glad they're highlighting the best of Poehler's time there. Speaking of which, why hasn't there been a Best of Poehler yet? Of course the guest on Bronx Beat was always played by the host (best with Brian Williams), so who will it be? Katy Perry, in a skin tight Elmo tee-shirt, showing off her cleavage. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That was fantastic. A+

Sketch 3- Fake ad, for Bosley Hair Care. Sudeikis, Wiig, Moynihan, Armisen. Pubic hair, transplanted to the head. Funny, a bit too much for me. B+

NEXT WEEK BRIAN CRANSTON AND KANYE WEST

Sketch 4- Maternity Matters. A question show for pregnant mothers. The doctor is sick, Armisen is the producer replacing her. We've seen this before. It sucked. Hader plays the staff member, the question from Wiig. Oh right, Armisen's character is hard of hearing. Next question from Poehler. Oh and Armisen's character is offensive. Question 3 from Samberg. Question 4 from Elliot. Blah. C.

Sketch 5- Some gay wedding sketch with Poehler and a new girl (Vanessa Bayer) getting married in front of Armisen. But it's at the Ground Zero Mosque! An ad from Hader! Actually funny. But then its actually an RNC ad against it. This has more twists than a HIMYM episode. B.

Music 1- California Gurls. She sounds terrible. Like much worse than she normally sounds. No Snoop Dogg. I actually have grown to like this song somewhat, but this was dreadful. Minor props for setting up the stage like the video. D.

Weekend Update- Funny O'Donnell/witchcraft joke. Really!?! with Seth and Amy! about Iranian President. Excellent as always. Amy- "Don't Ask, Don't Tell sounds a little gay to begin with." Seth- "U.S. military policy needs a makeover. Who is really good at makeovers?" Now Amy just co-anchoring like it is 2008. Seth claims victory on Blockbuster, because he never returned a VHS 8 years ago, and they filed for Chapter 11. New cast member Jay Pharoah debuts a Will Smith impression. Good, not great. Amy should be co-anchoring Weekend Update until she has to go back to L.A. for Parks and Rec. And we bring in Armisen's Paterson to discuss the Cuomo v. Paladino race to replace him. "The Democrat in me wants Cuomo, but the trainwreck in me relates to Paladino." And there's New Jersey joke #1! And CAMEO #6 GOVERNOR DAVID PATERSON. As in actual Governor Paterson. And a blind joke. "Working in Albany is like watching SNL. There are a lot of characters. It's funny for 10 minutes. And then you just want it to be over." It's like Paterson is campaigning. And then "You've poked so much fun in me for being governor, I almost forgot I was black." And then "Just from my heightened sense of smell, I can tell that there are 15 people in this audience from...NEW JERSEY!" And as Amy begins to express thanks to exiting NBC exec Jeff Zucker, the Governors Paterson walk in front of the camera and talk. Very well done. A.

Sketch 6- Showtime is the Home for Women with Secrets. Wiig as Mary Louise Parker. Pedrad as Edie Falco. Abby Elliot as Laura Linney, really really well. And it's AMBER! One-legged Amber!  What a random character to bring back. "Amy Poehler stars in "The Lean Years." Samberg plays "co-star Stanley Tucci." And there is the farting. Mr. Smulders makes his debut as her doctor. Other possible titles- One Leg to Live, The L(eg) Word, Farts and Recreation, Glee. They actually made that character funny. B+.

Sketch 7- Digital Short, Hader Presenting some award, now Perry singing a Best Original song nominee, with backup dancers. The Booger Man. Screen shots of NPH and Terry O'Quinn in the audience. Add Ed O'Neill, Tom Hanks, Morgan Freeman. They also have clips from the film with each member of SNL. "And the winner is, Randy Newman." Poor, especially for a digital short, which has been the weekly highlight the past 2+ years. D.

Sketch 8- A lunch scene with Wiig, Elliot, new girl, and Amy Poehler in a tiny cowboy hat. Elliot and new girl love hat, Hader comes over and compliments hat. Wiig hates hat. One week later, Wiig wearing ridiculous hat. Now Poehler has a smaller hat under her hat. Next week, and "Trish (Poehler's character) Eats Here" is on sign for restaurant. Wiig comes, with microscope for microsopic hat, but Trish is in Wiig's hair with a smaller hat. One week later, we learn Trish died in a motorcycle crash, because her helment was tiny. And then Trish comes back, because "faking your own life is the new tiny hat!" Umm, okay? C.

MUSIC 2- Teenage Dream. Nothing terrific, nothing terrible. B.

Sketch 9- Actor II Actor- Andy Samberg goes in depth with premier actors of stage and screen. "This week- Actor Justin Timberlake." This combo has worked out before... Brilliant sketch with a longer opening than an actual sketch. A+.

Sketch 10- Promo for "The Even More Expendables" Hader as Steven Segal. Pharoah as Chris Tucker. Samberg as Bridgette Nielson. Then #3 "The Availables" Armisen as Eugene Levy. Eliot as Brooke Hogan... Okay this keeps going. Very funny. Too much to write. OH MY GOD MR. SMULDERS AS STEVEN SLATER! Poehler brings back her Kim Jong Il impression. Brilliant throwaway 12:55 sketch. A.

Overall a very strong episode, something that outside of Betty White and Taylor Swift they did not really have last season. Grade for episode 1: A.

Week 3 NFL Picks

Week 3 picks below. I improved with a 9-7 last week, putting me at 16-15 for the season. Again, picks are for the win, not against the spread.

Here we go (home team in CAPS, the starred game is the one I have selected in my suicide pool):

 

CHIEFS over 49ers

*RAVENS over Browns*

TEXANS over Cowboys

VIKINGS over Lions

PATRIOTS over Bills

SAINTS over Falcons

GIANTS over Titans

BUCCANEERS over Steelers

Bengals over PANTHERS

Eagles over JAGUARS

Redskins over RAMS

Colts over BRONCOS

Raiders over CARDINALS

Chargers over SEAHAWKS

Jets over DOLPHINS

Packers over BEARS

Introducing VOJ, and the Sabermetrics of Sitcoms Part 4

*WARNING: THIS IS PART FOUR OF A FOUR PART POST. FOR PART THREE, CLICK HERE. A LINK TO THE NEXT PART WILL APPEAR AT THE END OF THIS ONE*

For the final rating, I averaged each show's VOJ and PER rankings, and ranked those with the lowest average (aka Friends had a VOJ and a PER ranking of 1, and therefore an average of 1, the lowest average of all the shows) at the top. In the case of ties, whichever show had the best ranking on either list got the better ranking (for example if Show X ranked 20 and 22, and Show Y ranked 19 and 23, they both have an average of 21, but Show Y has the best ranking on either list with a 19, and therefore would get the better spot). The final rankings:

RK	Show
1	Friends
2	Everybody Loves Raymond
3	Frasier
4	Will & Grace
5	Two and a Half Men*
6	King of Queens
7	Becker
8	Spin City
9	That 70's Show
10	Just Shoot Me
11	Malcolm in the Middle
12	Dharma & Greg
13	Yes Dear
14	Still Standing
15	Drew Carey Show
16	Scrubs
17	How I Met Your Mother*
18	The Office*
19	My Wife and Kids
20	3rd Rock from the Sun
21	New Adventures of Old Christine
22	8 Simple Rules
23	According to Jim
24	Big Bang Theory*
25	The Weber Show
26	Rules of Engagement*
27	Samantha Who?
28	My Name is Earl
29	Good Morning Miami
30	George Lopez
31	Modern Family*
32	Leap of Faith
33	Out of Practice
34	The Geena Davis Show
35	Listen Up!
36	Joey
37	Titus
38	Two Guys and a Girl
39	Life with Bonnie
40	Hope & Faith
41	Grounded for Life
42	Bernie Mac Show
43	30 Rock*
44	My Big Fat Greek Life
45	DAG
46	Courting Alex
47	The Class
48	Less than Perfect
49	Hidden Hills
50	Bette
51	Rodney
52	Worst Week
53	It's All Relative
54	What About Joan
55	Coupling
56	I'm with Her
57	Watching Ellie
58	Center of the Universe
59	Arrested Development
60	Cougar Town*
61	Happy Family
62	Crumbs
63	Whoopi
64	Oliver Beene
65	Gary Unmarried
66	Three Sisters
67	Undeclared
68	Wanda at Large
69	The Middle*
70	Stacked
71	Accidentally on Purpose
72	The War at Home
73	Cedric the Entertainer Presents
74	Freddie
75	Welcome to New York
76	Help Me Help You
77	Romantically Challenged
78	Andy Richter Controls the Universe
79	Parks and Recreation*
80	Michael Richards Show
81	Married to the Kellys
82	Community*
83	Life on a Stick
84	Back to You
85	Til Death
86	Bram and Alice
87	Normal, Ohio
88	A.U.S.A.
89	In-Laws
90	Bob Patterson
91	Lost at Home
92	Complete Savages
93	Emeril
94	Committed
95	Quintuplets
96	The Tracy Morgan Show
97	Tucker
98	Four Kings
99	The Pitts
100	Better Off Ted
101	Jake in Progress
102	Madigan Men
103	Kath & Kim
104	Daddio
105	The Ellen Show
106	Notes from the Underbelly
107	Hot Properties
108	The Stones
109	Carpoolers
110	Surviving Suburbia
111	Welcome to the Captain
112	Cavemen
113	Hank
114	Scrubs 2.0
115	In Case of Emergency
116	Miss Guided
117	Free Ride
118	The Loop
119	The Winner
120	Knights of Prosperity
121	Kitchen Confidential
122	The Trouble with Normal
123	A Minute with Stan Hooper
124	Sons & Daughters
125	The Big House
126	Emily's Reasons Why Not
127	Brothers
128	The Tick
129	Twenty Good Years
130	Andy Barker P.I.
131	Teachers
132	Inside Schwartz
133	Sons of Tucson
134	In the Motherhood
135	Unhitched
136	Danny
137	Cracking Up
138	Method & Red
139	Happy Hour
140	Luis
141	Return of Jezebel James
142	100 Questions

So what does this mean for the monthly rankings? These ratings will be done for only the current shows each month, and will be used as a factor in the Monthly Sitcom ratings. After the television season, these overall ratings will be updated with the new and continuing shows.