Sunday, August 15, 2010

In Which I Appear Shallow, Go Bergeronian, and Probably Go Off on Some Other Tangent(s)

This conversation came up at work my final week, and I decided to bring it to the blog. You know how couples sometimes create lists of the five celebrities they're allowed to hookup with if the situation presents itself? Well I'm not in a committed relationship, so I could hook with whoever I damn well please, but this was the creation of the list in the case that I needed one.

First some honorable mentions:

-Charlize Theron- She showed her sense of humor with her Arrested Development arc, and she is one of the most gorgeous women alive. Also I like her accent.

-Kate Hudson- Ideally Kate Hudson circa Almost Famous, but Kate Hudson today would do as well. And maybe my dating her would help the Mets win the World Series. (There's a joke nobody will get).

Alexis Bledel and Lauren Graham- I group them together for obvious reasons.* I've always been attracted to girls with blue eyes (see: Nulty, Lisa) and these two have possibly the bluest eyes I've ever seen.

*Fun Fact #5- I don't care if this sounds feminine, Gilmore Girls was truly one of the best written shows I ever remember watching. Luke and Lorelai were at the level of Ross and Rachel, Rory was utterly lovable, Paris' transition from hated rival to trusted friend was well done over a long period of time, and the way they brought back characters like Dean and Jess at different points was much more creative than the typical show bringing back all of its stars towards the end.

Fun Fact #6- I'm still annoyed Friends never found a way to bring back Richard towards the end. Same for Julie and Ugly Naked Guy. I did like how they brought back David (I believe season 9), Mark, and Janice.

Continuing on that theme (and then we'll get back to the good looking girls) I'm also annoyed The West Wing never brought back, or at least mentioned, Mandy. Sure she was an annoying character, but they brought back others (namely Sam Seaborn, Amy Gardner, Oliver Babbish, Ainsley Hayes, Bruno Gianelli, Joey Lucas, Andrea Wyatt, and Mallory O'Brien (Leo's daughter)). They also could've brought back Laurie, the prostitute Sam slept with to start the series, but I think she was already busy with House by then. With Entourage in the midst of its penultimate season, they've already brought back Amanda Daniels and Billy Walsh the past two weeks. I would like to see Nick Rubenstein, Adam Davies, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Dom, and Shauna's Assistant again in the remaining episode. But most importantly, I hope Mandy Moore, and Emily, Ari's original secretary (and E's gf-pre-Sloan) make their ways back to the show before the series finale.

Back to the list, honorable mentions also to Mandy Moore, Lauren Conrad, Kym Johnson (DWTS, left), Carmen Rasmusen (American Idol Season 2, right), Christina Aguilera, Joanna Krupa, Kristen Bell, Danica McKellar (Winnie on The Wonder Years and a math whiz, there will almost certainly be a more thorough post on her at a later date), Brittany Snow, Katherine Heigl, Heather Morris (Brittany on Glee) and Ashley Tisdale.

Which brings us to my Final Five. In Bergeronian Order*:

*When announcing who is safe and who is not on DWTS, Tom Bergeron always, for 10 seasons now, prefaces it by saying "in no particular order." Thus, when there is no particular order, it will henceforth be referred to as Bergeronian Order.

Fun Fact #7- Tom Bergeron and I share a birthday. Also Willie Mays, George Clooney, Tony Blair, former Jets DE John Abraham, Hornets PG Chris Paul, Sen. Richard Shelby (R-AL)*, Bob Seger, Weeb Ewbank, Martin Brodeur, Sigmund Freud, and Orson Welles.

Fun Fact #8- I can name 99 of the current 100 United States senators without looking, along with state and party affiliation. The one I can't name? Carte Goodwin (D-WV), who replaced the late Robert Byrd this summer. Luckily he isn't running for reelection, so I don't need to really learn it.

And now, the Final Five:

Julianne Hough- Julianne Hough started dancing on DWTS in season 4, which coincidentally (seriously, it was a coincidence) was the season I started watching. I fell for her instantly. She was my age, drop dead gorgeous, and had an incredible personality. She was funny, sweet, ditsy, and insanely talented. She was not even affected by the D/N Affect* despite how similar she and Derek look. The only thing that creeps me out is that allegedly Seacrest tried to date her since she was 17. She played hard to get with Ryan Seacrest for 5 years? Geesh.

*The D/N Affect is when a brother and sister look so similar to the point that if you put the brother in a wig you could legitimately confuse him for the sister. This makes the sister less attractive, regardless of how goodlooking she was to begin with. It is named for 2 sets of siblings which will go unnamed, but would be obvious to any member of Thespian Troupe 132 from like 2004-2008.

Kaley Cuoco- I watched 8 Simple Rules solely to see Kaley Cuoco. She was very cute at that point. Then she disappeared. Then Big Bang Theory started. She was more attractive than she was before. I don't watch Big Bang Theory solely for Kaley Cuoco, but if it wasn't as good as it is, I probably would. Also, the fact that her character on BBT is friends with nerds makes her seem more down to earth.

Blake Lively- Blake Lively is the rare actress who seems to always be smiling. I like that. Also I clearly have a thing for blondes. One question though- do you really want me to believe Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera, and Amber Tamblyn all wear the same size pants? Because no, I don't believe that.

Brooklyn Decker- I had to pick this picture of Brooklyn Decker because literally every other picture was NSFW. Just google images her. Do it. I'll wait...
...Andy Roddick may never win a major (it appears Andy Roddick won the U.S. Open in 2003 when he was dating someone already mentioned twice in this post, so we'll say he'll never win a 2nd major, or a major in the era of Federer/Nadal, but you get the point) but that is a pretty damn good consolation prize.

Amanda Bynes- Amanda Bynes was my first celebrity crush who didn't have the last name Olsen. She had me from the first "'Dear Ashley,' that's me!" I have sat through horrendous movies just for Amanda Bynes. I also think Amanda Bynes is legitimately talented, although not so much on the singing (cough-Hairspray-cough). And while her recent bout of Favreitis* was stupid, I fully understand a child star not wishing to continue with acting. It was not a profession she chose to get into.

*Favreitis- The act of retiring and unretiring. Named for Falcons Packers Jets Vikings current former current QB Brett Favre.

Tomorrow starts law school orientation. The post will likely include something on that, on my Grey's-esque experience this evening, and either the Mets or the Jets. You'll just have to read to find out.

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