The February Network, Primetime, Half-Hour, Live-Action Sitcom Rankings

Here are the February sitcom rankings. This goes through all episodes that have aired to date. Ratings and viewership numbers are considered, but it is mostly opinion based.

Rank	Prev.	Show	Network	% of Next Seas.
1	1	Community	NBC	80
2	2	The Big Bang Theory	CBS	100
3	4	How I Met Your Mot…	CBS	95
4	7	Parks and Recreation	NBC	85
5	3	Modern Family	ABC	100
6	8	The Office	NBC	95
7	5	30 Rock	NBC	100
8	9	Cougar Town	ABC	100
9	6	Two and a Half Men	CBS	50
10	10	Mike and Molly	CBS	85
11	11	Raising Hope	Fox	100
12	12	Better with You	ABC	66
13	15	The Middle	ABC	100
14	N/R	Mr. Sunshine	ABC	50
15	13	Perfect Couples	NBC	40
16	16	Rules of Engagement	CBS	40
17	N/R	Mad Love	CBS	33
18	14	Outsourced	NBC	25
19	N/R	Traffic Light	Fox	33
20	17	Running Wilde	Fox	0
21	18	$#*! My Dad Says	CBS	50

-Community maintained its position in the 1 spot with what I considered one of the top 10 episodes last night. Of course, I am a political junkie.

-Big Bang Theory has continued its run of just-above-average, and with its large audience, positive history, and moderate improvements the past few weeks, it keeps the 2 spot.

-HIMYM finished the month with a mediocre episode, but has been relatively strong since charting new territory with Marshall's father's death.

-Parks and Rec continues its inevitable climb upwards after a full month of episodes.

-The Michael Scott Farewell Tour has clearly commenced, and The Office has gone on an upswing by closing out some lingering storylines, which I'm sure will continue for the last few episodes before Carrell leaves.

-Oh Two and a Half Men. The drop has almost nothing to do with what aired on screen. The show has already been renewed, but with Charlie Sheen's latest antics, a 9th season is in jeopardy. In fact, giving it 50% odds of continuing is probably too high.

-We had 3 debuts this month- Mr. Sunshine, Mad Love, and Traffic Light. All 3 had shaky pilots. I think the casts are strong enough to right the ship on Mr. Sunshine(Matthew Perry, Allison Janney, Andrea Anders), which has shown signs of improvement  and Mad Love (Sarah Chalke, Jason Biggs, Judy Greer), which has not.

You Say Goodbye, and I Say Melo

Yesterday, after months of discussion, the Knicks finally completed a trade for All Star small forward Carmelo Anthony. The traded ended up being a megadeal, with 12 players moving (and oddly, despite the deal being a 3-team trade, all 12 are either going to or coming from the Knicks).

 

The Knicks ended up trading:
-Danilo Gallinari (to Den)
-Wilson Chandler (to Den)
-Raymond Felton (to Den)
-Timofey Mozgov (to Den)
-Anthony Randolph (to Min)
-Eddy Curry (to Min)
-Knicks' 2014 1st round draft pick (to Den)
-Warriors' 2012 and 2013 2nd round draft picks (to Den)

And receiving:
-Carmelo Anthony (from Den)
-Chauncey Billups (from Den)
-Shelden Williams (from Den)
-Anthony Carter (from Den)
-Renaldo Balkman (from Den)
-Corey Brewer (from Min)

Reaction has been mixed. Some people say the Knicks gave up too much to bring in Melo.

I'm not one of those people.

Carmelo Anthony is one of the top ten players in the NBA today. And he's 26, so he should be one of the top ten players for the next five-to-ten years. He has the talent to be one of the top five. (Bergeronially, LeBron, Wade, Kobe, and Durant are the clera top 4, with a roving #5 that is filled by Melo, Dirk, Dwight, CP3, or Rose depending on the day).

It's not every day you have a chance to get one of the top 10 players in the NBA.

Danilo Gallinari is not a top 10 player, and likely never will be. He's not a top 20 player, and likely never will be. He's not a top 30 player. He's maybe a top 50 player.

Wilson Chandler isn't a top 50 player. Raymond Felton isn't a top 50 player. Timofey Mozgov isn't a top 100 player. Anthony Randolph never plays. Eddy Curry cannot play.

In what universe do you not make that trade?

Billups is an improvement at PG over Felton. Felton has had, by far, the best season of his career, and he has faltered a bit of late. Billups is on the downside of his career, and he is still having a better season than Felton!

Melo is better than Gallo. There isn't any question there. I like Gallo a lot, but he's no Melo and he never will be.

Wilson Chandler was leaving the Knicks after this season no matter what. It just happened earlier.

Mozgov has looked good the past few weeks, but who knows what he will become? Randolph and Curry were just sitting on the bench (or in the case of Curry, not even there).

Which of these pieces should have been a deal breaker in a trade for one of the top 10 players in the league?

Ronny Turiaf-Amare Stoudemire-Melo-Landry Fields-Billups is an excellent starting lineup. I'm not saying it's better than Miami or Boston or a healthy Chicago, but it is excellent.

D'Antoni uses a short rotation of 8-9 players. That means only three or four bench players really get used. Toney Douglas and Shawn Williams have already been filling 2 of those spots. Out of Shelden Williams, Carter, Balkman, Brewer, Andy Rautins, Roger Mason Jr, Bill Walker, and the likely-to-be-signed big man (probably Earl Barron), they can't find one or two contributors? Come on.

The Knicks are much better this season than they were last season, or at any point over the past decade. But they're also much better today than they were yesterday. And that's why you trade for Melo.

At Small Forward, At 6'8, From Syracuse...

After months of discussion and debate

Melo is a Knick

Guest Post: The How I Met Your Mother Consistency Conundrum

Like many people, I have friends who enjoy similar things as I do, and therefore similar topics as the ones I sometimes talk about on this blog. Sometimes, they have things to say, and so I will let them write guest posts here. This post is by Brett Alazraki. If you like it, feel free to follow him on Twitter.

How I Met Your Mother has easily been my favorite show since I started watching it at the beginning of season 3.  I rushed to get the first two seasons on DVDs and I have been hooked ever since.  But lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the continuity of the show.  For a long, long time the show was very good with continuity; it had to be, the show is an entire flashback, with plenty of flashbacks in each episode.  Or at least I, someone who has seen every episode of the show way too many times, hadn’t noticed any blatant errors.  And then over the past 6 months I’ve notice three continuity errors and I’m sure I will keep finding more. (And just for the record I am completely ignoring Lily’s hair for this post, I know they’re not perfect with that, but I just don’t care very much about it)

The first major problem that stood out in my mind, and I realized it the second it happened, was Marshall’s band, revealed in the third episode of season 6, “Unfinished.”  Marshall says that he was in an all lawyer band (the awesomely named “The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk”) and Robin states that they had performed once four years ago.



Timewise, that would be in season 2, where Marshall was still in law school.  So it would not really be an all lawyer band.  A small error, just say “my law school band” or he was in an all lawyer band as a law student, fine.  But as it comes off, that’s a small continuity error.  Did it hurt my enjoyment of the episode? No, not really- actually “The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk” was probably one of the funniest bits of the episode- but the point remains a show based on someone telling someone a story, messed up something. 

The next continuity error I realized was something much more serious.  In the season 5 ep, “Perfect Week,” Marshall and Lily’s story line is based on the fact that for years they have been sharing the same toothbrush, and at some point Ted and even Robin shared this toothbrush.  Ok, fine, didn’t think anything of it.  Then I happened to rewatch the first season episode “Zip, Zip, Zip,” in which Marshall and Lily are stuck in the bathroom while Ted and, his girlfriend at the time, Victoria are “talking.”  Very early on we see very clearly Marshall and Lily brushing their teeth at the same time.  Well there goes the whole one toothbrush thing.  Just like that, a major point in “Perfect Week” was undercut; Nick Swisher’s whole bit (outside of being a cameo) was pointless, because they hadn’t been sharing the same toothbrush for such a long time.  Another oversight by the writers.

The third and final continuity error I realized only within the past week.  It happened in the season 5 episode “Dual Citizenship.” Marshall and Ted reminisce about their road trips in the Fiero to a crappy Chicago pizza place.  “We ate nothing but jerky, drank nothing but Tantrum.”  That’s what Ted and Marshall did on those 22 hour road trips, and peed in soda bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.  We all, of course, know about the no food in the Fiero rule- the flashback in “Arrivederci, Fiero,” stated all the things, like water, that Marshall threw out- but apparently that doesn’t apply to jerky or Tantrum. This one for some reason bothered me more than the other two.  The no food in the Fiero rule is classic and to just blatantly break it like that; besides I think it would’ve been funnier to describe a 22hour road trip with no food or drink because of Marshall’s insane rule.

Those three errors, are the biggest ones I have noticed so far and it raises the question, how important is this continuity, or am I just nitpicking?  Well the show is based on a flashback so continuity is incredibly important. Sure these aren’t major plot points, and sure none of this involved the mother, but still.  In certain shows it doesn’t matter what happened three seasons ago, but here in a show based on telling the past, it’s incredibly important.  Now of course the writers could use the “unreliable narrator” idea, that future Ted can’t remember everything 20+ years ago and makes errors in telling the story, but that’s too easy an excuse for the writers to take to me.  Besides, shouldn’t the writers know the story of the show, shouldn’t they have seen every episode, so they can develop character and other things a show gets as it goes along for seasons.  I understand there are going to be errors, and some of them, like Marshall’s band are understandable, but the others, no matter how little they hurt the overall story, are inexcusable.  To me these mistakes really bother me, I will still love the show, but it irks me just enough to write this long rant about it. 

*This is leading me to want to start a campaign for HIMYM to hire me as continuity consultant.  They could send me scripts and I could just be responsible for making sure there are no errors like the one above.  Who’s with me? No one? Ok.  Just an idea. 

Grammys, Peacocks, Glee, Puppets, and Heels

There are no words to say, but this must exist on this blog:

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x15: Brand/Brown

Russell Brand hosts SNL for the first time tonight. While he has never previously appeared, his wife, Katy Perry, was musical guest for the season premiere this season. Brand doesn't appear to be in any movie coming out soon, so his appearance is curious. Stand-up comedians are historically mediocre as SNL hosts, so it will be interesting to see.

Chris Brown is the musical guest tonight. It is his first appearance on SNL.

Some random predictions:
-I'm sure Perry will pop up. Just this week, Glee has done 2 of her songs, and she cameoed on HIMYM.
-We're really due for a What Up With That
-Musical guests have been prominent in sketches this season, so I'd expect Brown to factor in somehow. One would assume a YouTube Wedding/Forever sketch is a bit out of date (plus can you really improve on how The Office used it?) but we'll see.

Alright, be back at 11:30!

And it's time to take a break from brief writing for a bit of live blogging. Off we go!

For the record, I'm predicting an absolutely horrendous episode. So let's enjoy.

Sketch 1- And we're doing so Bill O'Reilly, with Jason Sudeikis. Kind of an awkward start. And part 3 of O'Reilly/Obama. O'Reilly doesn't know who the president of Afghanistan is. Pedrad plays Bill's assistant. He's interrupting Armisen the same O'Reilly did for Obama in the real interview. Now he's taking a pop culture quiz. And viewer mail. This wasn't anything special. B-.

Monologue- Brand is in a black suit with a black shirt and black tie. He's honored to be here. He's explaining us that he's much more famous in England than he is here. This is remarkably boring. He's oddly now addressing the subject of my brief. Now he's making Oscar predictions. Colin Firth and Natalie Portman, if you were wondering. Now this is just dragging. We're talking about hepatitis C. And he wishes a Happy Valentine's Day to his wife. People often ask him how it is to be married to Katy Perry, and it's apparently rather ordinary. This is still going on. Not a great start. C.

Sketch 2- Ad parody for Gublin & Green, a law firm that specializes in recovering for people who were injured by seeing Spiderman: Turn-Off the Dark. Including Bono, who had an injury to his reputation. They all got settlements of more Spiderman tickets. Absolutely brilliant. A+.

Sketch 3- Midbreak- we have some front lawn of a house. It's Travel Channel's Ultimate Vacation Giveaway. The host is really excited, and Brand will win and not care. Because we've had this sketch twice before. But Brand with a mullet is at least worth one laugh. I gave this a C+ when it was with Emma Stone. It isn't any different this time. Based on the previous times they've done this, something really basic is going to happen at the end, and Brand will get really excited about that. Every single thing is lasting forever tonight. Yup, the Pottery Barn catalogue does it for him. Same bad sketch a second time? D.

Sketch 4- It's a film ad for a British film that the critics love because it's British and they can't completely understand what they're saying. Don' You Go Rounin' Roun' To Re Ro. Pedrad clearly playing Helena Bonham Carter. The critic's comments are great. Amusing. A-.

Next new episode- March 5 with MILEY CYRUS and The Strokes!

Sketch 5- Midbreak- Looks like some sort of haunted dungeon, or a Vincent Price's Valentine's Day Special. Probably the latter. Nope, medieval England, where Brand is King Reginald and Killam is his food taster. King Reginald has had a day of receiving death threats, and he insults Hader the chef, so the food taster is pretty nervous. Oh, last night the king had the chef's family killed because the steak was a little tough. Oh Hader is also next in line to become king. Now he's just saying he's going to poison the king. This would be one of those annoying one joke sketches if there was one joke. Hader just dumped a bottle labled poison in there. Killam eats it, enjoys it, and dies. Oh then the king stuttered and they called it The Kings Speech. That pretty much made it awful. F.

Music 1- Chris Brown performs "Yeah 3x." That's really the name of the song. I'm not kidding.

Next Sunday there's an "SNL Backstage" special. Just a public service message. The more you know.

Weekend Update- Mubarak. CPAC, "or as some call it Tea Party ComicCon." Christopher Lee. Super Bowl Ratings and Christina Aguilera. And here now, Hasni Mubarak, who is of course a Catskills comedian played by Armisen. This isn't funny. AOL-HuffPo. Iranian foreign food ban. Keith Olbermann on Current TV. Dog return. Superpower poll. Lil Wayne and Eminem debuting theeir new Valentine's Day single. Pharoah and Killam. Pharoah is owning Lil Wayne, except he's missing the grill. Eminem is apparently playing Teller to Lil Wayne's Penn. Then he raps. Not surprisingly, it's mean spirited towards women. Colorado medical marijuana trailers. Go Diego Go porn. Lady GaGa on 60 Minutes. Heated pool. And here's Stefan on the hottest spots for Valentine's Day in NYC. The hottest new clubs are: Boof- an abandoned orphanage from narcolectic club owner Snoozon Lucci, also there's a coked up gremlin. Stefan apparently has a thing for Meyers. Hader is breaking. And he loses it. This one was built on a dare by a 90-year old club owner. It has Jewpids- Jewish cupids who just want you to meet someone nice and settle down. You could also just stay home and give your significant other a human suitcase- when a midget wears all of your clothes and you roll them through the airport. And Seth lets Stefan be his valentine. A weak WU, but Stefan really lightened things up. B.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- we look to have some sort of day care, or kids play place. Oxygen's Living Single. Hosted by Bayer, with Killam as the DJ. It's for you, "whether you're a widow, a divorcee, or just a single gal." Elliott and Wiig are in the crowd. Apparently the DJ is in love with the host, and has asked her out several times, but she keeps saying know because she's better off single. And here's renown pastry chef Damion Cryer, played by Brand. He's successfully seducing her. Still waiting on the joke. I don't think it's coming. Just a waste of time. F.

Sketch 7- Midbreak- Hader, and someone else, are playing old women. Samberg and Brand are also dressed up as old women. They're pretty much just talking like old women. They're having tea. And then there's an earthquake, and they spill tea all over. Hey look, they also have a tall cabinet full of glass. And there's another earthquake. The audience is loving this. I don't know why. This is just total garbage. F.

Music 2- This time Brown asks how the ladies are doing tonight. I feel like female interest must be pretty low. Then he performs "No Bullshit."

Sketch 8- We're closing with a political sketch? They've developed a time machine, brought in President Washington, and they'll see what he says about modern times. The namesake of my alma mater is played by Brand. He procedes to beat up John Boehner. Then Nancy Pelosi stabs him. This is a very odd sketch, and it seems to be in a strange time spot. B.

Overall- This was not a good hour and a half of comedy. In fact, it was rather pathetic. The two recorded segments were excellent, and the opening and closing sketches were alright. But everything else was pretty much awful, and it dragged, as you can see with there only being 8 sketches. D-.

How I Met Your Guest Star

You know it is getting exciting when I have a blog entry sparked by a single episode of a (non-SNL) tv series.

Perhaps no show uses guest stars, and particularly straight up stunt casting with the frequency and extremity of How I Met Your Mother. That continues tonight with the use of Mrs. Katheryn Brand herself, the third Deschanel sister, Katy Perry. And so, in preparation of this California Gurl potentially fulfilling Ted's Teenage Dream (yeah, I went there), let's look back at the major stars HIMYM has brought in before, and grade them on how well they inserted themselves into the show's mythology and incorporated themselves with our Core Five.

Note that we're looking at stunt casting guest stars primarily. HIMYM uses a lot of guest stars. Ashley Williams, Sarah Chalke, Jennifer Morrison, and Laura Bell Bundy have all had significant arcs, mostly as love interests for Ted (although this has not been a significant storyline for Bundy. It actually just mysteriously disappeared after one episode) but they were cast because of their acting talent, and not because they were drawing in eyes. And while the significant others of Josh Radnor, Alyson Hannigan, Colbie Smulders, and Neil Patrick Harris have all popped up, none of them are big enough stars for people to tune in for them. So this is really just looking at those guest stars that got promo-ed like crazy by CBS. And no, Jayma Mays was not a significant star in 2005.

Camryn Manheim was our first significant guest star, as the title character in episode 7 of season 1, "Matchmaker." Not quite A-list, but a known TV figure early in the first season is something, and Manheim was solid in her role. B.

It was a while until we had a really big deal star, but personal favorite Danica McKellar stopped by, along wit The 88, George Clinton, Jane Seymour, Bryan Cranston, Wayne Brady, Emmit Smith, and Bob Barker.

The season 3 premiere, "Wait for It," is where the stars started rolling in. The episode featured Mandy Moore and Enrique Iglesias. Moore played the virtual opposite of what most people associate with Mandy Moore, and did it rather well. A-. Iglesias had a two-episode arc and, while irritating, did fit in well and played a necessary character in the storyline of Robin. A-.

McKellar came back in season 3 and brought with her a pre-Cougar Town Busy Philipps, which was followed by an appearance by John Cho, former costar of both Hannigan (American Pie movies) and NPH (Harold and Kumar movies).

"The Yips" brought in a plethora of Victoria's Secret models, including Adriana Lima, Marisa Miller, and most importantly Heidi Klum. You'll never hear me complain about Victoria's Secret models, but they were mostly filler outside of Klum. And while Heidi seemed like a model trying to act, she did it decently, and sold a straight faced joke in German. B+.

Vanessa Minnillo popped up at what would turn out to be a rather important St. Patrick's Day and was not all that good. It was a weird role in which we only really saw what a wasted Ted was seeing from Minnillo, but given her relatively impressive appearance on 30 Rock last week, it's clear she could do better. C.

The single biggest stunt casting bit appeared in season 3's "Ten Sessions," where Britney Spears made her first of two appearances. In this first episode she was a minor character with a few funny lines, and it brought HIMYM the ratings they needed to live on for another season. But bringing back Spears for a second episode, "Everything Must Go," later that season, was not good. She had a larger part, as Barney pretended to propose to her which she accepted and believed with an "Erin from The Office" level of stupidity. After having a minor and comedic role in her first appearance, she dragged the show down in her second. C.

"Sandcastles in the Sand" brought in James Van Der Beek to play the anti-heartthrob he was as Dawson. In fact, he may be one of the strongest cameos ever, as he opened up a whole new element of the HIMYM universe. A.

Will Forte popped up for the first time in season 3, followed by Regis Philbin and Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

"Benefits" was an episode that seemingly existed solely for the purpose of stunt casting and rating bumps. A relatively mediocre episode overall, CBS promoted the guest appearances of Kendra Wilkinson, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Kim Kardashian. The promotion worked, it remains the single highest rated episode of HIMYM. The cameos? Quick one liners as magazines coming to life to talk to Marshall as he walks to the bathroom. Yup, that was it. They added nothing. D.

Kenny Rogers made an audio-only cameo, followed by Alan Thicke, Chris Elliot, Joanna Garcia, and an audio appearance by Harvey Fierstein.

"Girls Versus Suits" was the show's 100th episode, and featured three separate cameos. Rachel Bilson was very strong as Ted's brief love interest and (SPOILER ALERT) the "mother's" roommate, and equally strong when she appeared again this season with a surprise twist. A. Tim Gunn played himself as Barney's suit doctor in an absolutely brilliant gag where Gunn first showed the comic chops he'd later show off in the Emmy opening. A. The weakest guest appearance was by Stacy Keibler as a hot bartender. That was basically the gag. She didn't like guys in suits and Barney wanted to sleep with her. B.

Amanda Peet, Jim Nantz, and (in what I find to be an odd and overplayed in the episode cameo) Nick Swisher came by in the next two episodes.

Next came Carrie Underwood as the girl that Ted was "hooked" on. She wasn't good. That's about as nice as I could put it. The material wasn't there and she basically stood there and looked pretty. D.

The next episode featured another appearance by an attractive singer associated with American Idol, Jennifer Lopez. While she too had a weak storyline, JLo sold it well, and made for an intriguing character. B+.

Peter Bogdanovich, Will Shortz, and Arianna Huffington appeared together as themselves, followed by Jason Lewis, Malin Akerman, and Chris Kattan as actors in a film about Ted's failed wedding. Another personal favorite, Judy Greer, also popped up in that episode.

This season hasn't seen a major guest, but has featured appearances by Bilson, Brady, Ben Vereen, Maury Povich, Forte, Kyle MacLachlan, Nicole Scherzinger, Thicke, Jorge Garcia, and Alex Trebek. Which brings us to tonight.

So which fellow music star will Perry follow? Will she be solid like Lopez, fall flat like Underwood, or split the difference like Spears? We'll see.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x14 Carvey/Linkin Park

Tonight, former SNL cast member Dana Carvey hosts SNL for the fourth time. Carvey is most famous for his time on SNL, where he portrayed The Church Lady, Garth from Wayne's World, and George H.W. Bush. Carvey first hosted in 1994, where former President Bush came on to comment about Carvey's impersonation. He came back to host again in 1996, and one more time in 2000. Although he has kept quiet since his 2002 film The Master of Disguise, he brought back his H.W. impression for this Funny or Die video last year.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

Linkin Park returns as the musical guest for the second time. The first time they appeared was in 2007, also with a former SNL cast member hosting, that time Molly Shannon.

Here are my predictions:
-Rumors are out that Justin Bieber will cameo on tonight's episode. He's been in New York all week promoting his new movie, and has popped up at a Knicks game, and at The Daily Show and The Late Show with David Letterman. I'm sure he'll pop up at least once, if not more.
-I would expect at least Mike Myers, and possible more of Carvey's former castmates to pop up.
-I would expect at least an H.W. impression and a Church Lady sketch.
-We're due for a What Up With That. Fingers crossed.

See you back at 11:30!

Sketch 1- And we're starting out with Wayne's World. That was quick. I have to leave people who were SNL fans during Myers and Carvey's era to be a real judge of this, I started after that era. Anyway, it holds up rather well, and the studio audience is clearly enjoying it. They're discussing this years Oscar nominees, and it's amazing to think the writers can't come up with characters similar to this today. Certainly pumped up the audience with that one. A.

Monologue- Carvey reflects back on his first episode on SNL, back in 1986 with host Sigourney Weaver. Carvey states that while no SNL cast is better than any other SNL cast, this does not include the casts from 1986-1993. This leads him into a song. Wiig agrees that his cast was awesome. Carvey doesn't know Wiig or Hader's names. He mentions a lot of his old characters. And here is Jon Lovitz to help Carvey with his point. Quite amusing. A-.

Sketch 2- Kenan is in a hotel. Oh, this is the black noise promo, we saw earlier this season. It was amusing then, but come on, you can't keep repeating the same ad parodies. It got an A- back on episode 2, so I'll keep it the same. A-.

Sketch 3- Midbreak- stained glass, kinda looks like a churh, what could that mean? Yup, it's Church Chat with The Church Lady. We're taking a look at all the evil shows that have taken over the airways, like Skins "some kind of SportsCenter for pedaphiles." And here are the "holy trinity of sluts," the Kardashians, with Pedrad as Kim "the hot one," Bayer as Kourtney "the smart one," and Elliott as Khloe "the third one." And we get our first "well isn't that special." I wonder if there will be any original sketches tonight. I'm not complaining, just wondering. Now, the star of the MTV show "Jersey Whore," Snooki, as played by Moynihan. And Hader plays a priest casting out the demon from Snooki's body, but Snooki tackles him. Carvey improvs and draws attention to it. And here is Justin Bieber, as himself. Ah, The Church Lady has caught the Bieber Fever. And Jesus calls Bieber his finest creation. It was a long sketch, but for Carvey's most famous character, it makes sense. A-.

NEXT WEEK- RUSSELL BRAND AND CHRIS BROWN!!! 

Sketch 4- Midbreak- Looks like some sort of school or government office setting. Ah, it's VH1's Celebrity Teen Crisis Center. Kenan's teen calls and talks to Hader's Alan Alda who advises him to join a gang. Killam calls and gets Carvey's Mickey Rooney. Pedrad gets Ice-T. Brittain gets Elliott's Anna Farris. Wiig gets Pharoah's Eddie Murphy. None of the celebs are helpful, but it's a nice chance for them to play out some impressions, and I'm all for impression sketches. A-.

Sketch 5- A male version of The Roommate, with Bieber and Samberg. Short and sweet. A.

Music 1- Linkin Park performs Waiting for the End.

Weekend Update- Egypt. Kenneth Cole tweet. "Winners/Losers: Egypt" "you cannot punch the handsome off of Anderson Cooper." Charlie Sheen. Denny's. And here to talk about the Oscars, James Franco, as played by Killam. And it's good. Really, really good. For a second I actually thought it was Franco. Sean Diddy Combs lawsuit. Trained dog. Long fingernail woman. Christina Hendricks' cleavage. Talking about the weather storm, Wiig as a meteorologist/former disco queen. That pretty much goes how you'd expect. Mini tattoo. Chinese New Year. Empire State Building Run-Up. That was a decent Update but Wiig's character killed it. B-.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- This kinda looks like the Live with Regis and Kelly set. Sidenote- Has Sudeikis appeared tonight? I don't think so. It is in fact Live with Regis and Kelly. Carvey is Regis, Pedrad is Kelly. Carvey's Regis is brilliant. Pedrad's Kelly is, uh, not. Brittain is an okay Gelman. We're discussing potential Regis replacements. Anderson Cooper, Howie Mandel ("a seal with a soul patch"), Mark Consuelos. Regis is going to start the Regis network. And here's Kathy Lee, here to say goodbye. Guess what? She's drunk. And now she's singing. Mediocre, but the Regis was great. B.

Sketch 7- Midbreak- There's a lot more of the midbreak look-ins lately. This time all we saw was a shiny curtain. Carvey and Kenan are playing pageant coordinators. Oh it's a little girl pageant. Bayer is an 11 year-old in a ridiculous dress. Elliott is a 10 year-old in a ridiculous dress. Wiig is also in a ridiculous dress. She won the Little Miss Maybe You Heard About Me Pageant. Now we have a 5 year-old Pedrad with a parasol. Samberg is a boy, and the rules state he's allowed to be in pageants until he is 11. One day he wants to abolish the 11 year cut-off point. This is just raw time killer, but if this is the low point of the episode we have a solid episode. C+.

Sketch 8- An ad for an Elliott character who will spread bad news for you. She does firings, divorces, and her rattling off of nothing apparently works. She doesn't do pets or hospitals. Nothing spectacular, but I always approve of use of Elliott. That seems like it could've been filmed months ago and was just sitting there until there was an open spot, so that worries me about the last couple of sketches tonight. B-.

Music 2- Carvey, Myers, and Lovitz introduce Linkin Park who are appearing in black and white for their song When They Come for Me. It is odd. Very, very odd.

Sketch 9- We're at a Packers bar, and look, Jason Sudeikis showed up. And there's an odd band, The Fingerlings, with Armisen, Carvey, Hader, and Killam. They're playing as the game starts, which is frustrating the fans. That seems to be the only joke. Everyone left the bar. That's all. Not good. D.

Overall- A top heavy show, but the top was so unbelievably good that it held up a weaker ending. Carvey brought out an energy that SNL needs to succeed. And even Bieber was funny. A-.

Super Bowl XLV NFL Pick and Absurd Prop Bets

All season long I've been making picks for NFL games on who I think will win, regardless of gambling odds. I will do that here, but since it is the biggest day in gambling, I'll also include what I think will happen based on the odds, and how I'd go on some of the ridiculous prop bets.

That being said, the pick, to win:

Green Bay Packers over Pittsburgh Steelers

I actually think it won't be that close. If I had to guess a score, I'd go 31-21.

Now to the gambling. All odds are based on Bodog.com

The line for the game is Green Bay -3, altho I've seen it in other places at Green Bay -2.5. Since I have Green Bay in a blowout, I'm going with Green Bay -3

From here on out I'll be picking a lot of these as if they were even odds, just for simplicity's sake.

National Anthem Over/Under 1:54. Christina Aguilera is singing the anthem. The best comparison is her anthem performance at the 2010 NBA Finals Game 7. Starting at 0:41 and ending at 2:36, clocking in right at the over at 1:55. Nerves shouldn't be a factor causing her to speed up, Aguilera has performed in front of massive crowds before. And she may take this opportunity to show an even wider range during the anthem than she did at the basketball game. I'm taking the Over 1:54

The result of the opening coin toss. This is just a random guess. I'll take Heads

The winner of the opening coin toss. There is probably a way to look at what the Steelers have picked in the past (they are technically the road team) and then either double my winnings or hedge my bets with the last one. I don't care that much. Steelers

Team to score first. I have the Packers scoring a lot more often than the Steelers, so I'll go Packers

The first score of the game. The choices are either TD or FG/Safety. I'll go with FG/Safety (and probably a FG)

Will there be a score in the first 7:30. I'm going to say both teams come out a little cold, so No Score

Pittsburgh Steelers team score over/under 21. I swear I did not look at this before I picked them to score 21. Since I can't take a push, I'll say maybe they score a late meaningless FG, and take the Over

Green Bay Packers team score over/under 24. Over

Steelers first half points over/under 11.5. Under

Packers first half points over/under 12. Over

Team to receive the opening kickoff. Steelers

Let's get to some of the stranger ones

Pittsburgh Steelers Points Scored -7.5 over Blake Griffin Rebounds vs. Miami Heat. I have the Steelers with 21 points, so will Griffin grab 14 or more rebounds? Probably. Griffin +7.5

Larger winning margin: Super Bowl or Magic @ Celtics. I'll go Super Bowl

How many times Fox shows Cowboys owner Jerry Jones over/under 2.5. It's Jones' stadium, and it'll be the Over

Over/under Favre mentions 2.5 Over

Over/under Lockout mentions 1.5 Over

Will any player do the Lambeau Leap? Yes

Who will be holding the Lombardi Trophy on the cover of USA Today on Monday? Aaron Rodgers

A Random Look at Theme Songs: The Brady Theme

This will start what will be occasional look at a TV theme songs. I like TV theme songs. I have almost 300 on my iPod. So every now and then, I'll do a post on them. This is the first.

Everybody knows the theme song to the Brady Bunch. The catchy tune, the simple lyrics that tell you all you need to know about the family from before the series began, the blue boxes with each actor looking around at each other. It may, in fact, be the single most well known theme song in TV history.

But how much do you really know about the Brady Theme?

Did you know there were two versions? While the more famous version, with the 6 children singing, was used from the second season on, the first season featured the same song, performed by the Peppermint Trolley Company.

But where the theme song really hit its stride was with the spinoffs. Oh, the spinoffs.

You see, while The Brady Bunch was unbelievably campy and outrageously cheesy, it was also very successful, and there was a constant attempt to cash in on that success.

The spinoffs (there were three) were horrible. None lasted more than one season. But they also all had one thing going for them...

An incredible theme song.

Yes, each spinoff kept the melody of the original, but altered the lyrics to fit the show.

The first was the most ridiculous. The Brady Kids was a cartoon that followed an animated Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter, and Bobby in their adventures along with a dog, two pandas, and a magical bird. Seriously. The theme song? Well, watch for yourself:



I mean, how fantastic is that?

It gets better. Because a few years after the original series was cancelled (thanks in part to the always controversial Cousin Oliver) they decided to do a reunion movie, that turned into a spinoff. But not just any spinoff.

The cheesiest spinoff in TV history.

See, Marcia and Jan both meet men, fall in love, and have a double wedding. But then

The house was too expensive for each couple
The only way to buy they would decide
Is to share the house by moving in together
That's the way they all became ...

Well why don't you listen for yourself:

Oh but that wasn't all for The Bradys. May I present...

The Bradys:

One can only hope a 21st century Brady's remake (on the CW?) leads to a new reincarnation of this classic theme.