Tonight Scarlett Johansson becomes SNL's second straight 3rd time host (after Jon Hamm 2 weeks ago). ScarJo, as she is known by nobody (but would definitely be her nickname if she played major league baseball) first hosted in January of 2006, with musical guest Death Cab for Cutie. She returned the next season with musical guest Bjork (Cue Seth and Amy: Really SNL? Bjork was a musical guest in 2007? Really?). She also made a cameo appearance in the show hosted last season by her husband, Ryan Reynolds.
Arcade Fire is making their second SNL musical guest appearance, first appearing in the 2007 episode hosted by Rainn Wilson. In that episode they also appeared in a Digital Short.
Predictions for tonight:
-1 cameo, Ryan Reynolds. A second, by Sandra Bullock, who is BFFs with Reynolds and locked lips with ScarJo earlier this year at some award show, wouldn't shock me.
-ScarJo has a random recurring character named Lexi, who I believe has an annoying NY accent and sells stuff. I'm sure it will be back.
-We haven't seen Randy and Greg in a while, it might be time for them to come back. Also, Greg is not an alien.
Be back at 11!
Sketch 1- Obama with Chinese president. I cannot believe we are doing this again. This was the worst sketch of last season. The Chinese translations are all about how China owns the US. It's Armisen as Obama, Hader as the Chinese president, and Pedrad as the translator. This isn't funny. Armisen as Obama even mentioned them discussing this a year ago, which they did as a sketch as well, and it was equally terrible. The only thing I will say is Armisen's Obama seems slightly better. Not good. But better. Same one note sketch, still not funny, and this time stale. D-.
Monologue- Mentions the fact that she has nothing to promote. Also she doesn't look great considering she's one of the most attractive human beings in the universe. And we have our third musical monologue of the season. And she's being joined singing "Class" from Chicago (Broadway only), and joined by Wiig as Dina Lohan and Eliot as Ke"DollarSign"ha. Ehh. C+.
Sketch 2- Ad parody for MTV's "My Super Sweet 16 and Pregnant," with ScarJo in title role. Then we have Andy Samberg as Mario Lopez, Pharoah as Nick Cannon, Bobby Moynihan as Snooki, and new girl, all hosting random plays on MTV shows adding pregnancy. Not bad. B+.
Sketch 3- Millionaire Matchmaker. ScarJo as the matchmaker, and though I've only seen promos it seems pretty decent. Eliot and Moynihan are her assistants, new girl is the single millionaire. Her choices are an old guy, a blind guy, a little boy, and a guy who looks just like her. Okay. Probably would have been really funny if I've seen the show. But I feel most people haven't seen the show. B-.
NEXT WEEK: ANNE HATHAWAY/FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE
Sketch 4- During break- Looks like What Up With That Set. I hope so...It isn't. It's the mother fucking Manuel Ortiz show. That was the biggest shift in emotions I've ever had while watching SNL. You know the Manuel Ortiz Show. Armisen is Ortiz, and each guest answers and dancing. ScarJo's baby may not be her husband's. Husband is Samberg. He's cool with that. And now they bring in possible father, Hader. Now Hader's character's girlfriend, Pedrad. Kenan and a new guy as security. Wiig brings out paternity test results. At least they're doing funny things with the tempo of the music. But I hate this sketch. D.
Sketch 5- A parody ad for that Denzel Washington movie with Pharoah as Denzel, a new guy as Chris Pine, ScarJo as Rosario Dawson, and other new guy as someone who works with her. This sketch is just another opportunity for Pharoah's Denzel impression, which is alright by me. And legitimately summed up what the entire movie will be. A-.
Sketch 6- You have to be fucking kidding me its the access hollywood style show Hollywood Dish, hosted by Hader and Wiig with ScarJo as the guest. Totally forgot she won a Tony this year. It's the same sketch as it has always been. It is kind of made okay by Hader slushying Wiig, and she appeared to have no clue it was coming. And they called her ScarJo! C.
Music 1- Arcade Fire is performing "We Used to Wait," according to wiki. Not an Arcade Fire fan. I'm going to stop giving musical guests grades; opinions vary simply on whether you like the artist/group or not.
Weekend Update- Sudeikis as Bush and Pharoah as Kanye. And that puts the full cast in tonight's episode by the halfway mark! And now Armisen and new girl as passengers from the Carnival cruise. Oh boy, this isn't sort of good. This is just a waste of my time. D-.
Sketch 7- A Disney Channel show, with Kenan as a student in a wheel chair and Wiig, Samberg, ScarJo, and 2 new white guys as costudents. They peer pressure him into trying to walk and he falls. And then it happens again the next day. I bet it happens a third time too, good old comic rule of threes. And yes, there's day three. Armisen as a PE teacher has the students convince him to let Kenan jump on a trampoline. Horrible. F.
Sketch 8- A digital short. Model UN speaks to UN about world history. It's Samberg naming horrible historical events and saying "what was that?" This is kinda funny. B+.
Sketch 9- A Paula Deen sketch, with Wiig actually doing a dead on Deen. 8-ply paper towels for taking butter off southern food. The impression is good. The sketch is not. C.
Music 2- Arcade Fire doing "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)."
Sketch 10- TLC's Stars of Tomorrow. Moynihan plays an agent. New girl is the child star. Wiig is her mother. ScarJo is her rival. Armisen is a director. The girls do random lines from random films that they have no reason to do. I've pretty much zoned out, but a staged production of "Brokeback Mountain" starring two young girls in the Ledger/Gyllenhaal roles is kinda funny. At least they tried something with this slot. C+.
Sketch 11- And here's Armisen selling ceramic busts, so here comes Lexi. It was pretty much the same as every other Lexi sketch. C.
Overall- Just not good. They didn't make use of ScarJo's considerable acting talents. Not at all impressed: D-.