SNL Sitcom Web

This is charting which SNL alums have appeared on different comedies (current and Rob, cuz I realized I had put it in there too late). You should be able to move each item around and see what else it is connected to. If anyone knows a better way to create a web, let me know and I'll get you the data (the spread sheet is included below, click it for a full view).

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WtIhz4wEsvC7SBrsAuG4jC0xpv2sjUBVKZzSVb2GfytmdwcFt0JW6bbRp8blCmt7A4DD0BU6w/cESoBehjsV/mvKURD5bw+9jdWkffz20NugB3wT1dQ+gM9aQ68JgI+kenxhmujxRckePr8PfGoA9CHrs2J8bei/R883GJ+TlkqTTt34yJ719WZ8UB9SzzMYnxt8HXtB2pn6fMj6fIz4VD3yx/j6a4cGDV7P4J/d4FOl75973v74pRC/ACM/Nc5CYH4gvggjPr8bPkvdDEF+IUZ+auoIAT+oF6lHYoz8ugUelpRzAOHDOHyBGBeB+UHW15zpgw1fx8DDDj6oGenu/Hhs/HD2AQfFH0p+nUIPW/zaOXk/9sAonoFc6B97j97wtRmTEeDrFHtYMz8PGr4+Rn49xh69ZQ5A54GSXp+hR2/4YPGCUToDq9burS8CIw+U2q/jkoedwQsFvijxAXU47l0vmHTGia9b5GEHnwcpF4JROAOVhh/A59nBB+bsceJDGXckoPmFGPn1uObRn+8AXS9KfJ3iDmtpFyhtgJNfp7jD2vCFIg+Ccc0I2Iz0x863P37gmiVOfh0jDztrlm2TmRHw63HRoz/zA9WLjxAfsJ/3j72vZetDiQ/nogeUdMbJr1u5lS1+YOiLMfgAzsb4c369qWeYH8asPXAMCwJ+48HXMfiwMnpB6YySHs7QAyzYwFirCxxlhmDwgkuWOPl1DD0s8QPFC0p+PYYeSW/jF1z1QIgPqPb7Qrd1E40ruSMnzwoXx2Mb9rbXR8rpNxZZ29kHHTv75wO2P7UMOIw0RThegdONMeADgl2c+Pp0t73hA7wtTno4nS0gllOMa7whxgqDNnmGnl7QLctnSalEQJyLE1+PBQb94WtvAj8+jHsqI2CFKMWY4gtwpvhGgw9lhg/UzCjxhf2N3R5zVGOhhzPDB8kWjFW5QKexD41dOydpREDIMcG4oQ1oaPcb+KwxwmliHeMKS3t2x4IPaMaJAB9Ue4sTX8eEnp3iH6D2ESe9jvk8O+6hLebfw4fRPQBNrD+Cz5I4CSFthxJfj/sleyx8DMeCD2Vg4fljwddxu6SlszLGQS9VZ74Lul7L2zor5lmxUI8zFG+QrTeSofWDDfWtFCbGNo49HWwovi05r9787Lyk6+U1nzP5iv8D

38 Suggestions, Predictions, Prayers, Fears, and More for Season 38 of SNL

I already made my host picks (that Arnett one isn't looking too good) but here are some things I want to, or think will, or hope will, or something else, happen on SNL this season. 38, for the 38th season:

1. Michelle Obama is a problem, but not a problem they necessarily have to fix.

Did anyone ever play Laura Bush? Maya Rudolph can come in the few times the FLOTUS is needed.

2. Don't replace Kristen Wiig, move on.

No "Secret Word" with Vanessa Bayer, no "Target Lady" with Kate McKinnon, and no "Garth and Kat's Sister Kit" with Kenan in drag. Other than Wiig's impressions that need to stay around, leave her characters for when she comes back.

 

3. Promote Killam, Bayer, and Pharoah; and if McKinnon is solid by midseason, don't wait on her.
I assume the first 3 are happening. I think Kate McKinnon is gunna be a good one. 

 

4. Let Sudeikis walk at midseason.
What are you gaining by him staying unhappily? Two Joe Bidens and a Devil at Weekend Update? Let him walk, and give him a sendoff like Samberg's (final 2 Digital Shorts) and Wiig's (this tear jerker).

5. If you won't give Meyers a regular WU co-anchor, at least give him one for Thursdays.

Look, I get that Meyers doesn't want a permanent co-anchor, even if he's better when he has someone to play off of. But when adding 2-3 weeks of extra work of a WU show on Thursdays, it's a necessity. Last time they did this, in 2009, Amy Poehler returned to co-anchor. NBC employs the last 3 Weekend Update co-anchors, two of whom are New York based. Just bring them each in for a week. 

6. Give Meyers a co-head writer.

The show has clearly dropped off. Just do it.

 

7. Don't forget Kenan

His impression portfolio isn't substantial (at least of news makers), so SNL's 6th longest tenured cast member ever (yes, ever. The guy from Good Burger) sometimes gets lost. But he's good. Find times to use him.

8. Nasim Pedrad will be the next breakout star.

Lots of people are talking about Hader and Killam. And don't get me wrong, they're both great. But since Will Ferrell left, SNL's star has been a woman. Nasim Pedrad will enter this season as the only woman with time as a Repertory Player on her resume. There was a time when I got Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate confused. That time is over. (well that time was over when Jenny Slate left the cast several years ago. But you get my point.)

 

9. Three Stefons. Max.

Look, I like Stefon as much as the next SNL fan. He's the breakout character of the past couple of years, and really put Hader on the map. But all characters, even those who are simply Update guests, can quickly wear out their welcome. Limit Stefon to Save Stefon.

10. Don’t overuse Hader’s Eastwood.

When Hader introduced his solid Clint Eastwood impression following Eastwood's GM ad at the Super Bowl this February, nobody thought it was going to become a significant impression for the 2012 political season. It has. That said, use it once or twice. Don't have Eastwood come in mid-debates, or at the Update desk with an empty chair every week. It was parody enough in itself.

 

11. Stop with the Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley retired from the NBA in 2000. He is the second-most famous analyst on the NBA's #2 cable network. Why has he hosted SNL twice in the past three seasons?

12. But give us a more recent athlete host.

No baseball player has hosted since Derek Jeter in 2001. No female athlete has hosted since Nancy Kerrigan in 1994! Enough with the quarterback of the year.

 

13. More female hosts!

I broke this down on Twitter last month, but there have been far more male SNL hosts than female, even recently. Unfortunately, this season's first 3 hosts are all male. 

14. A two-time host!

15. Duel hosts!

In early days, SNL would have Buck Henry or Steve Martin host SNL twice in a season. Or random pairs (George Wendt and Francis Ford Coppola! Billy Martin and Anjelica Huston!)would host together. Mix it up!

 

16. Bayer can play Candy Crowley, don’t bring someone else in.

SNL tends to bring in outsiders to moderate the debates. Chris Parnell is particularly good at it, and I expect him to play both male moderators this season. In the past, Queen Latifah has been brought in to play Gwen Ifill. This year, with Candy Crowley moderating the town hall debate, SNL should stay within its cast and tap Vanessa Bayer.

17. At least 3 cast members will leave by the end of this season.

My guess- Sudeikis (midseason), Armisen (after season), and Moynihan (after season, see below). But neither the long-tenured Hader or Thompson would be surprising. Same with the long-tenured Meyers who at least flirted with Live! this season.

18.Don’t get a host who can’t handle it just because he/she means ratings (a la Lindsay Lohan last season)

Lindsay got ratings, but she was awful. SNL isn't getting cancelled anytime soon. And during a presidential year, SNL's ratings will be high. Don't go for the stunt host, it just makes for a bad show.

 

19. But don’t shy away from musical guests who are there just for the ratings.

That said, with musical guests, who cares? Book Lana del Rey every week if you want.

20. Keep doing the “in memory” bumps if other hosts/guests/alumni pass away.

Let's hope this isn't an issue (although I wouldn't be surprised with a Tom Davis tribute of some sort tonight), but it was a nice touch the couple times they did this last season.

 

21. More Hamm! More Timberlake!

It won't happen, but if Jon Hamm and Justin Timberlake (and perhaps a 3rd star) split 1 featured cast member spot, it would be great.

22. If you can’t make a new parody commercial for a new episode, don’t have a parody commercial in that episode.

SNL's commercial parodies are iconic. But after seeing them once, you don't really want to see the same one three episodes later. In recent years the show has gotten into a habit of re-airing the same commercials over and over. Just stop.

23. Have a new female alum host. Ana Gasteyer is on a TV show!

Only FIVE female alums have ever hosted SNL- Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Molly Shannon, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. SNL showed off their female muscle with the Betty White episode and their Women of SNL special. Get one of the others to host! (And wait a year on Wiig)

24. Don’t focus on one star so they can get an Emmy nomination. They’ll never win anyway.

Self explanatory. There's a large cast, and there's no Kristen Wiig. Spread the wealth.

 

25. Get a politician to host again!

The last "politician" to host was Al Sharpton in 2003, with Al Gore and John McCain as the last elected officers to host, both in 2002. No female politician has ever hosted. Dream host- Bill Clinton.

26. Do what it takes to get a cameo from Romney or Ryan.

John McCain and Sarah Palin's cameos were highlights of the fall 2008 political season. I understand a sitting President and VP not making appearances, but at least one member of the GOP ticket should stop by 30 Rock.

 

27. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin might not be in NY next year, so make use of them now.

This one is pretty obvious.

28. There have been a lot of new members to the Five-Timers Club since it was last addressed. Do a new sketch.

The first Five-Timers Club sketch is brilliant, with a certain former SNL writer as the doorman, and chunk full of cameos. Other five-timers have mentioned joining the club since. But it has not come up since 2007. Bring back the Five-Timers Lounge!

29. Give me at least one host I have to Google.

I mean maybe not me, I'm pretty up on my pop culture. But someone VERY of the moment is always fun to look back on.

30. Digital Shorts were Lonely Island’s; rebrand your pre-filmed segments.

There were pre-filmed segments before Lazy Sunday and the Digital Short era, and there can be later. Just without the title care.

31. But if Samberg and Lonely Island do return to do shorts, they can use the Digital Short brand.

With this exception.

32. Keep looking for new cast members through the season. And not just from UCB, Second City, and The Groundlings.

The cast shouldn't be set in stone just because the season started. See Kate McKinnon.

33. Do a Malibu Country sketch with Kenan. I don’t care how low that show’s ratings are.

The unbelievable randomness of Kenan playing Reba- this isn't the gender issue of Kenan as Whoopi, this is straight parody- plus Reba's return to television, sets this up perfectly.

34. If your best sketch isn’t political, let your best sketch open. And if you have a good political sketch, it doesn’t have to open.

Have you noticed this with sketches? They put all their political stuff up front, regardless of how good it is. They shouldn't.

 

35. I’m pretty serious with those Claire Danes and Lena Dunham hosting picks.

These are of-the-moment, zeitgeisty, female television stars. And Lena is based in New York!

36. Get working on that new Miley wig for Vanessa Bayer!

The Miley Cyrus Show was a very good sketch for Vanessa Bayer in her first year on the show. That's pretty cool. But it was benched last year. With Miley's new do, it is time to bring it back.

 

37. Lorne Michaels and Broadway Video are losing 30 Rock this season. So set up a current cast member with a Broadway Video/NBC sitcom deal.

My pick? Bobby Moynihan. No real good reason.

38. No more Sacha Baron Cohen-style in-show advertisements.

This was just embarrassing. Let's never speak of it again.

My 2012-13 SNL Host Predictions

I was bored. So I did some charting. And that got me some SNL hosting statistics. I shared a lot of them on Twitter. (UPDATE: Here's my tweets about the stats) But it also led me to the average host breakdown for a season of SNL:

10 Actors

5 Actresses

1 Male Athlete

3 Comedians

1 Comedienne

1 Male Musician

1 Female Musician

I played around with that a bit, changing the athlete to female and making it 9 actors and 6 actresses. And here is what I came up with, based on who SNL likes, who is on NBC, who is in the news, and who has new tv shows, movies, or other stuff. In alphabetical order by first name:

Alec Baldwin- SNL regular, final season on 30 Rock

Anna Kendrick- Breakout young actress, a couple big movies coming out

Anne Hathaway- SNL favorite, coming off The Dark Knight Rises with Les Mis in the winter

Britney Spears- The X Factor

Claire Danes- Will sweep awards, Homeland season 2

Cobie Smulders- Coming off Avengers, HIMYM, fiance in SNL cast

James Franco- Does everything, Oz: The Great and Powerful

Jimmy Fallon- SNL alum, NBC's late night future

John Krasinski- Final season of The Office

Jon Hamm- SNL favorite

Justin Timberlake- SNL favorite

Kristen Wiig- SNL alum

Lena Dunham- Zeitgeisty, New Yorker

Leonardo DiCaprio- Annual A-Lister, Djiago and Gatsby

Matthew Perry- NBC legend with new show

Missy Franklin- Olympic Favorite

Robert Downey, Jr.- SNL alum, Iron Man 3

Robert Pattinson- Final Twilight, rebranding (see Daily Show)

Stephen Colbert- Just a gut feeling

Steve Martin- SNL regular

Tina Fey- SNL alum and regular, final season of 30 Rock

Will Arnett- Wife an SNL alum, NBC star, Arrested Development

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x20 Fey/Goulding

Hey, what's up? It's been a while, hasn't it? Almost a month since we last saw Helen Mirren claw through 90 minutes of mediocrity.

But tonight is going to be different. Tonight, SNL living legend Tina Fey returns to host for her third time. In doing so, she breaks a 9-way tie for 4th place of former cast members to host, and takes sole possession of the lead for most hosting gigs by a female cast member. She now trails only Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Dana Carvey. Fey has also made several nonhosting appearances. Earlier this season she showed up with former Weekend Update co-anchor Jimmy Fallon in Amy Poehler's monologue, and last season she returned with a slew of SNL female alums for Betty White's episode. But perhaps most notable, Fey frequented her former workplace (and the namesake of her current show) in 2008 as Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin. Here's some of her best work:

Ellie Goulding will be making her first appearance as a musical guest tonight. I'm not going to lie, I've never heard of Ellie Goulding before this week. But she's British!

Some predictions-

-Because Fey was head writer and Weekend Update anchor, she rarely appeared in sketches and doesn't really have a recurring character from her time on the show. She does have Palin. I'm hoping it doesn't show up tonight, since it's been overdone, but I'm not betting on it.

-There will be cameos. I don't know who they'll be, but they'll be there. Probably some alums. If I had to guess- Maya Rudolph with Bridesmaids coming out next week, and Darrell Hammond with Trump in the news.

-Kristen Wiig has announced she will retire Gilly and Penelope after this season. I can see a farewell to Gilly tonight, with Penelope showing up one of the next two weeks.

Also, a reminder, you can vote for (or against) Fey, and your other favorite current female sitcom stars in the Hottest Female Sitcom Star Bracket, going on right now!

See you at 11:30!

Sketch 1- Osama bin Laden's Last Will and Testament video, with Armisen as the late OBL. He apparently has a Dakota Fanning obsession. He did not want to buried at sea, under any circumstances. It's a surprising take at the OBL death, but it's an amusing one. He left about $700 total for his family to split. B+.

Monologue- Fey's short dress gives her some trouble coming down the stairs. She has the #1 book in the country and the #86 show in the country. And here's an also pregnant Maya Rudolph. And they're going to sing to their unborn children. About how they are proof that they've been having sex. And now Killam brings out a sonogram machine so they can perform Natalie Cole/Nat King Cole style duets with the fetuses, played by Wiig and Kenan. Ok that was a decent payoff. B.

Sketch 2- Midbreak- we're looking at the Fox News GOP debate from earlier this week. Ah, but this is the undeclared candidates debate. Moderated by Bill Hader as Shepard Smith. Sudeikis as Mitt Romney, Moynihan as Newt Gingrich, Wiig as Michelle Bachman, Fey as Palin, Hammond as Trump, and Kenan as Jimmy McMillan. That McMillan impression is going to crack me up every time. Gingrich admits he has no chance and doesn't really want to be president, so he leaves early. Bachman challenges America to a staring contest. Palin is pleased America this week finally vanquished one of the nation's villains, Katie Couric. Hammond reminds everyone he is the perfect impressionist. McMillan confirms birther's theories that he was born a billygoat, and has heard intelligence that OBL is hiding in the ocean. Very well done. A+.

Sketch 3- Midbreak- Looks like The Little Mermaid? They do these Disney sketches (Aladdin with Rosario Dawson, Beauty and the Beast with Gerard Butler) every now and then. Here's Fey as Ariel, Kenan as Sebastian (tho he's being called Crabby). And now he's singing "Below the Waves." This is apparently the rights-less Little Mermaid. And here is OBL's body. Now all the fish start a USA cheer. Ariel finds the celebrating distasteful. Armisen's fish is a conspiracy theorist. I'm kind of shock they even went here, and it wasn't perfect. But it had serious shock value. B+.

Sketch 4- Digital Short. Lonely Island in studio, as Michael Bolton shows up. Lonely Island's rapping about being at a club, but Bolton's choruses are about Pirates of the Caribbean. And now he's jumped into Forest Gump, now Erin Brokovich, and Scarface. Wow. A.

Music 1- Ellie Goulding performs "Lights."

Weekend Update- Bin Laden's death. Qaddafi. Al Qaeda statement. Conspiracy theories. Obama's approval ratings. Now to talk more Osama, Sudeikis as The Devil. They lost Osama in hell. Alaska rescue and arrest. Free Black Eyed Peas concert. Oldest newlyweds. Star Wars Day. Here are Qaddafi's friends from growing up, to support him, played by Armisen and Bayer. Whenever they have something negative to say they whisper. That was awful. It's apparently the same between Seth and Tina. Cold cuts. College sex study. Children's group sing. And here's Stefan with some mother's day tips. New York's Hottest Clubs- Balognia Danza's Uhh, Rabbi Jew Diamond Phillips' Spicy (good for an old woman). Also you could take your mom to Central Park to fly a human kite. It's the thing where you put a midget in a windbreaker, attach him to a rope, and run around. Stefan, as he often does, saves a lame Update. B-.

Sketch 5- Midbreak- Looks like a yoga class, with Penelope? It's actually a Lamaze class. Showing an enormous video on natural birth, with Hader and Rudolph. It's very weird. And not particularly funny. Now Wiig and Kenan join. Rudolph and Wiig are 69ing to deliver eachother's children. Weird, and not in a good way. D.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- We're in what looks like a family room for a sleepover party. It's Bayer, Elliot, and Pedrad, and it's Pedrad's character who is obsessed with her parents. Pedrad calls her mother (Fey) at 1am to hang out. Now a couple boys snuck in and they're playing never have I ever. Why would they possibly do this sketch again? Ugh. C.

Music 2- Goulding is singing Elton John's "Your Song?" WTF?!?!?!?!? Apparently this cover is on her new album, and she performed it for Prince William and Princess Catherine at their wedding. Well then.

Sketch 7- Bravo's Pregnant in Heels. Elliot's Rosie Pope provides pregnant women with whatever they want. Fey is a PR consultant who represents other PR firms. Pharoah plays Elliot's sassy gay assistant. Okay. B-.

Sketch 8- Kenan is Googie Rene, selling slightly used prom dresses. If they can't fix a stain, they'll give you an autographed picture of Julie Chen to hold over it. Oh my. C-.

Sketch 9- Hallmark Mother's Day card ads. For weirdos, when you're your own mother. Yes, this actually aired. On network television. And it is going to again in 3 hours. Weird. D.

Overall- It started out really strong. And then Weekend Update happened. The last hour was pretty awful. It wasn't Fey's doing, but not impressive. That said, the first few sketches were excellent. B-.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x19 Mirren/Foo Fighters

Tonight Dame Helen Mirren hosts SNL for her first time. Mirren appeared in a digital short earlier this season in the Bryan Cranston episode. She is the 3rd British host in the past four episodes. Tonight she is promoting her new film "Arthur."

The Foo Fighters, the first band in the five-timers club, are making their 6th appearance. They first appeared in 1995 with host Anthony Edwards, then 1999 with Dylan McDermott, 2003 with Christopher Walken, 2005 with Jason Lee, and 2007 with Jon Bon Jovi. In addition, with 2 appearances with Nirvana, 1 with Them Crooked Vultures, and 1 with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Dave Grohl becomes the 7th member of the 10-timers club, and the first to have never hosted.

Some predictions-
-With the return of ESPN Classic last week, I'm calling a comeback for Greg and Randy tonight.
-Helen Mirren said she will not do the Queen. So we won't get her Elizabeth meeting Armisen's.
-1 cameo, but I don't know who. Maybe Arthur costar Jennifer Garner who was in NY on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon earlier this week.

Back at 11:30!

Sketch 1- We've got Armisen as Obama in the Oval Office, giving us an update on the budget. Everyone walked away unhappy. He's telling us how this made literally everyone unhappy. Repetitive and not all that funny. C.

Monologue- "Since most people know me for playing the Queen, I was afraid they'd make me play a queen in every sketch, but they did that last week with Elton John." She talks about how she's different from the Queen. She's now joined by the male cast for a rendition of South Pacific's "There is Nothing like a Dame." Pretty good. A-.

Sketch 2- Midbreak- we seem to be looking at a library. Mort Mort Feingold Celebrity Accountant is recurring? Time for a stream of impressions. Brittain's very good James Franco. Elliot, Pedrad, and Bayer as the Kardashians. Killam's pretty strong Ricky Martin. Pharoah's Will Smith. Mirren and Hader as Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton is absolutely brilliant! With Brittain as Depp. Armisen as Ghaddafi. Solid. B+.

Sketch 3- Digital short- Pedrad reveals to Mirren that she is her hero and asks her to touch her breasts. This leads to a variety of great images, including Moynihan as a tap dancing bee. Samberg then welcomes her to Helen Mirren's titties, a place greater than heaven. Dave Grohl is hanging out there. Wiig follows suit. Excellently random. A.

Sketch 4- Fox and Friends with Killam, Bayer, and Moynihan as the hosts. Boehner saved the government despite Obama's failings. They also hate Michelle Obama's anti-obesity program- if there are no fat kids, who is going to play the comic relief in Disney movies? Mexicans- just look at the kid on Modern Family! Here's Mirren as a border warrior. The Fox and Friends hosts bring in their birth certificates to show how easy it is. Then we see a quick flash of corrections by the fact checkers. Too fast to read but I saw mentions of Lionel Richie and Rebecca Black. B.

Sketch 5- Midbreak- we're looking at some sort of old-timey, revolutionary sketch. Mirren plays Mary Shelley for the release of Frankenstein. Armison is her landlord, who looks quite a bit like Frankenstein's monster. His name is Frank Stein. He accurately predicts that over time people will confuse Frankenstein and the monster and combine them to one. Brittain plays Stein's son, a hunchback named Igor. B+.

Music 1- The Foo Fighters perform "Rope." I feel the need again to point out this is lead man Dave Grohl's 10th SNL appearance, placing him behind only Steve Martin, Alec Baldwin, John Goodman and Paul Simon, and tying him with Buck Henry and Tom Hanks. That's rather elite company.

Weekend Update- Shutdown averted. Cuts to flowers, sunshine, and hugging. Glenn Beck. Royal Wedding. Here's Hader's James Carville. He was apparently raised by eels. Also he's apparently a big Mambo #5 fan. Sing Sing Prison Condos. Baggy jeans. Flavor Flav's chicken. Wiig as a flight attendant from Southwest flight with a hole in the plane. This is not particularly funny. Credit cards for prostitutes. Mama Bieber's birthday. Incestual reverend. And here's Kenan's French Def Jam comedian Jean K. Jean. Zut Alors! Zombie fan. Walk to wedding. B.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- some sort of apartment or office. No it's a TV show, The Best of Both Worlds with Samberg's Hugh Jackman, both the most masculine and feminine man in the world. Here's Killam as Gerard Butler of 300/Phantom of the Opera fame. Now Kenan as Ice Cube. And Mirren as a rather believable Julie Andrews. Andrews is apparently a crazy biyotch if you get her coffee wrong. B-.

Sketch 7- DJ SUPERSOAK AND LIL BLASTER FOR UNDER UNDER GROUND RECORD'S CRUNK ASS EASTER!!! DJ Vlade Divac! Scrambled egg hunt! Will Shortz and a Female Gremlin! The white guys from the 1993 Michigan basketball team! A memorial for Ass Dan! 60 Minutes performed  live! The Chilean Minors! Helen Mirren running the dunk tank of Elian Gonzalez! Free sex show from the green M&M! It all takes place on the streets of Libya! As always, completely awesome! A+.

Sketch 8- Midbraek- Some sort of formal office. It's the Reelz miniseries The Roosevelts, with Hader as FDR and Mirren as Eleanor. Pretty solid parody. "Even if Eleanor Roosevelt was a lesbian, it's highly unlikely she had an affair with Marilyn Monroe who was 5 at the time." 10% Factual and 20% Entertaining. Kenan as a 4th-wall breaking Teddy Roosevelt! A nude Eleanor ordering the attack on Pearl Harbor. "When everyone else passes, it shows up on Reelz." A.

Sketch 9- Prerecorded sketch. Perspectives Photo Studios to make sure the picture of your penis is as impressive as possible. Seth Meyers as himself gives a tutorial! Pretty good. A.

Music 2- Foo Fighters perform "Walk."

Sketch 10- We're at Bongo's strip club, where we are celebrating MC Jason Sudeikis' last day. We've had some pole dancing from Elliot and Pedrad. This was the last sketch of the night for a reason. Now a patriotically dressed Wiig. Now, predictably Mirren as a tired old exotic dancer. This is really rather boring. The audience seems to be groaning more than laughing. Grohl is Sudeikis' replacement. D.

Overall- Odd episode that started okay, dipped around Update, and then peaked in the second half before a poor sketch in the garbage slot. Still, overall a strong showing and Mirren was well used. B+.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x18 Elton John

Tonight Elton John hosts SNL for the first time. I don't know why. He does not have an album coming out, or a new Broadway show he produced, or anything. My best guest is he's promoting the royal wedding, coming up later this month. But he's hosting.

And he's the musical guest. He has done this once before, as musical guest in a 1982 episode hosted by Johnny Cash.

Some predictions:
-It has already been confirmed that the Knicks' Carmelo Anthony will have a cameo in 2 sketches. I'm gunna say the first of these is What's Up With That. And since Elton is pulling double duty, Anthony will likely introduce him as musical guest.
-Elton John will NOT perform a musical monologue. Just to switch things up.
-Elton John will dress in drag. He spoiled this one on Fallon on Thursday.

See you at 11:30.

Sketch 1- The show's worst recurring sketch, The Lawerence Welk show, is our open. And here's Elton as a piano virtuoso/confirmed bachelor. And tonight the sisters are being played by Elliot, Pedrad, Bayer, and of course, from inside the piano, Wiig. Not only is this sketch nontopical and not funny, it's exactly the same every single time. On the count of sketches where Elton sings, this is 1. C-.

Monologue- Elton mentions that he was musical guest back in '82, and "of all the things I tried once in the early 80s, this seemed like the safest one to do again." Elton mentions that he just had a son, and pokes fun that he has yet to lose the baby weight. He's being very self depricating, but it's much funnier than when Miley did it. Now he sings a line of Your Song (#2) just to grab the royalties. Much funnier than I expected. A.

Sketch 2- Midbreak- Some ESPN set, maybe women's sports or Greg and Randy? Yup, ESPN Classic, and here's a cameo return by Will Forte as Greg Stink joined by Sudeikis' Pete Twinkle. We've got women's shotput with Wiig vs. Carmelo Anthony. Stink making his classic offtopic comments. I've missed this sketch. And there's the sideline reporter, Stink's brother Steve, played by Tom Hanks! Hanks manages to have the Stink voice down perfectly. Excellent. A+.

NEXT WEEK: HELEN MIRREN AND FOO FIGHTERS!!!

Sketch 3- Midbreak- Looks to be some convention of wizards. It's a British antique show called "Fancy a Jar, Do You?" Interrupted by a BBC News update. A dragon is attacking London. The Knights of the Realm have been activated, those are the celebrities knighted by the Queen. Elton is himself, Hader as Richard Branson, Samberg as Bono, Hanks as Michael Caine, Killam as Ian McKellen, and Kenan as Sir Mix-a-Lot. And Armisen as Ringo, even though he's not a knight. Elton makes a Spiderman joke at Bono and points out the Lion King is still in theaters (by singing, #3). And the dragon was killed by Sting. and back to "Fancy a Jar..." A+

Sketch 4- Digital Short. Hanks is pitching a Laser Cats musical in space to Lorne. There's singing, laser cats, and an unnecessary Space Jam reference. And Melo! And the Dr. Oz set. Elton sings #4. A joke about the gap in Elton John's teeth! And Wilson from Castaway! Just fun. A.

Music 1- Tom Hanks introduces Elton John and Leon Russell, who collaborated with John on his last album. They sing "Hey Ahab."

Weekend Update- Libya. Employment increase. Trump and birthers. "Trump thinks any publicity is good publicity, just like he thinks any hair is good hair." Food coloring investigation. Here's Armisen as Khadafy. That goes pretty much like you think it would, but longer. Obesity stigma. Separated siblings dating online. Plastic surgery lawsuit. Kenan as zookeeper Barry Lewis, who caught the Bronx Zoo cobra. He brought the snake, but lost it. Then he finds it and kills it. Not funny. College dating. Opening day baseball. Hitler house. Bronx- the unhealthiest place in NY. "Get in the Cage" with Nic Cage (Samberg) where he asks other actors questions; tonight Jake Gyllenhaal (actually him). Cage is looking to make another "blockduster." Perez Hilton's childen's book. New everyday Lamborghini. Time Square food service. Solid, but the first two guests were boring. B-.

Sketch 5- Midbreak- We seem to be in some fancy room with an older Hader and Killam. And it's a royal wedding sketch. As seen in the Anne Hathaway episode, Samberg is Prince William, Armisen is Queen Elizabeth, and Hader as Prince Philip. Elton John has come to discuss performing at the wedding. As seen before, when William steps out, they the Queen and Prince become cockney ass holes. Now the three of them have become a punk rock group. Weird. B.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- Some sort of studio maybe? It's a show called "The Silver Screen" on Logo. Killam and Elton are playing the flamboyant hosts. Claudette Colbert- "those bangs just scream sex." And now, promoting Suckerpunch, Vanessa Hudgens, played by Pedrad. And there's a kiss between Killam and Elton that might just make Colbie Smulders jealous. And another. Pedrad's expression of confusion matches mine right now. C-.

Sketch 7- Midbreak- Looks like an old-timey bar/shoppe. It is, in fact, an old Western bar. Elton John rides in on a Unicorn. He's gay, but Wiig can't pick up on it. Very, very strange. But amusing. Oh there's a late twist that makes it funnier. B+.

Music 2- Melo introduces Elton and Russell again. They perform "Monkey Suit." Sadly, no classic Elton tonight.

Overall- A very strange episode. Only 7 sketches, a sketch without the host early, four cameos without What Up With That, mostly Elton playing himself or versions of himself. It peaked early but was never truly awful. The early stuff was some of the best in a long time. A-.

13 Hours of TV to Watch this Summer When You're Not Watching Mad Men

Look, Mad Men is good. It's really good. It's probably the best show on television. The Emmy voters certainly seem to think so. It might even be one of the top television dramas of all time. I don't know, I never watched The Sopranos or The Wire. But either way, it's up there.

And it won't air in 2011.

It might never air again, it might eventually air with dramatic changes, or it might come back in the winter of 2012 as strong as ever. But it definitely will not air in the Summer of 2011. (UPDATE: Mo Ryan of AOL is now reporting creator Matt Weiner has reached a deal with AMC for 2, and possibly 3 seasons. So Mad Men will be back in 2012. Hooray!)

So what will you do for those 13 hours of your life? You could rewatch some of your favorite Mad Men episodes of the first four seasons. AMC would certainly like you to watch The Walking Dead or Breaking Bad or whatever else they air in that slot.

But here are 13 hours of television I would suggest watching. Probably none of them are the quality of Mad Men, but they feature top notch performances from the Mad Men cast.

30 Rock- "Generalissimo" and "St. Valentine's Day"

Community- "Cooperative Calligraphy" and "Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design"

Dharma and Greg- "Unarmed and Dangerous"

Gilmore Girls- "But I'm a Gilmore"

Grey's Anatomy- "That's Me Trying"

How I Met Your Mother- "Return of the Shirt" and "How I Met Everyone Else"

Parenthood- "Seven Names"

Saturday Night Live- "34x6: Jon Hamm/Coldplay"

The Office- "Customer Survey"

The West Wing- "Commencement"

Will & Grace- "Big Brother is Coming" Parts 1&2

...and the network show perhaps most inspired by Mad Men (although far less successful)...

Lone Star- "Pilot" and "One in Every Family"

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x17 Galifianakas/Jessie J

Starting a little late tonight, so we'll get right to it. Zach Galifianakas hosts for the second time tonight, while Jessie J makes her SNL debut.

Sketch 1- March Madness, but not basketball, just madness, with Africa, Washington DC, Hollywood, and Middle East brackets. Quite amusing in many ways, including Sudeikis' Jim Nantz and Samberg's Dickie V. Very funny. A+.

Monologue- Galifianakas starts this much like his first monologue with a random rambling of standup. He then goes into a performance of Tomorrow in full Annie costume, with running jokes on a big pad of paper. A-.

Sketch 2- We get our first look at SNL's interpretation of The Talk. Outside of a strong Lea Remini from Elliott and Pedrad doing a good impression of Amy Poehler's Sharon Osbourne impression, it was basically a run on how The Talk isn't The View. B-.

Sketch 3- A promo for the new Kings of Catchprase Comedy DVD. This was a full cast effort, including Seth Meyers in what may have been his first sketch since replacing Tina Fey as head writer and on the update desk. His Austin Powers impression was the strong point of the sketch. C.

NEXT NEW EPISODE- HOST/MUSICAL GUEST ELTON JOHN!

Sketch 4- Our first Scared Straight of the season features Galifianakas as Kenan's cousin, and rants on Home Alone and The King's Speech, and Galifianakas going off on the film that made him a star, The Hangover. I always find this sketch funny. B+.

Sketch 5- Digital Short- "Zach Looks for a New Assistant." Basically Galifianakas interviewing little kids to be his assistant. Other than him thinking Usher was Bieber's dad, basically a one note joke. C.

Music 1- Jessie J (with B.o.B.) performs "Price Tag"

Weekend Update- Obama bullying, NFL lockout, Pope Benedict v. Watson, Mardi Gras, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, and here is Wiig as Julie Taymor, Broadway director of The Lion King and just-fired Spider-Man director. Her excuse- the prop masters were named Mac and Beth. She doesn't know anything about Spider-Man. Ohio's electric chair, deep voices, porn star teacher, wild moose. Liam the teenager who just woke up is here pretty much just talking. Waste of time. Italian man, adult pools, bike cafes. We end on a plea to donate to the Red Cross to help in Japan. B.

Sketch 6- Galifianakas and Wiig are telling their kids, Elliot, Pedrad, and Moynihan about the death of their dog Noodles. They come up with ridiculous lie after ridiculous lie to tell them. But apparently the dog actually died of autoeroticasphyxiation. But Hader comes back with Noodles, who was actually just in a coma, and now the kids won't play with him. The dog also talks and sings. B+.

Sketch 7- Canada's Celebrity Scoop, hosted by Wiig and Armisen. It's nice, Canadian celebrity gossip. Galifianakas is Bernard, the in-house logger. They got some pictures of Ryan Phillipe and Amanda Seyfried canoodling, but they're not going to show it because it's private. Two famous women can wear the same dress, so we look at this in the segment "They Both Look Nice." B+.

Music 2- Jessie J performs "Mamma Knows Best"

Sketch 8- A Message From the Corn Syrup Producers of America. Pedrad and Wiig. This is awesome. Just randomly funny. A.

Sketch 9- Galifianakas plays a man who pretended to be a woman to escape the Titanic on a life boat. Happy National Women's Day! Too short to be awful C.

In the goodbyes, Galifianakas shows off his newly shaven mohawk, a joke on his last time hosting when he shaved his famous beard, and jokes that the Mr. T sketch was cut for time.

Overall- Started strong and never dipped to the low levels of much of this season. Galifianakas is up for anything and that helped create a mostly funny episode. A-.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x16 Cyrus/The Strokes

Tonight Miley Cyrus makes her SNL debut. While Miley, at 18, does not come close to being the youngest SNL host ever (that distiction belongs to, and will probably always belong to, a 7 year old Drew Barrymore. Could you imagine a 7 year old hosting SNL today?), she is the most recently born SNL host, beating out Taylor Lautner by 7 months. This is Miley's first actual time on SNL, but this season has featured Vanessa Bayer as Miley in "The Miley Cyrus Show." It's pretty cool:

The Strokes are the musical guest for their third time. They first appeared in 2002 with host Jack Black, and came back in 2006 with host Peter Sarsgaard.

Some predictions:

-We're going to open with Charlie Sheen. If I had to guess, it would be Jimmy Fallon coming back to do Sheen, which he did on Late Night brilliantly this week:

-Miley will do a musical monologue.

-They will do The Miley Cyrus Show. My hope, although I don't think it is likely, is that Miley will be the guest as her own alterego, Hannah Montana.

There is a 50/50 chance tonight is either a liveblog as usual, or a retroblog. We'll see.

Sketch 1- Hader as Charlie Sheen. He's okay, but pales in comparison to Fallon. Hosting a talk show with sidekick Christina Aguilera, played by Elliot. His guests- the pro-Hitler designer (Killam), Khaddafi (Armisen), and Lindsey Lohan (Miley). It's rare a host appears in the cold open. Miley's Lohan is pretty good. The sketch over all? Could have been better. B.

Monologue- Miley sings about apologizing for her flaws and mistakes. It may be the first time someone has commented on the publicity of their own sideboob. This is showing that she is willing to make fun of herself, it just isn't that funny. B.

Sketch 2- A parody ad for baby spanx. This is a rerun from the Emma Stone episode. I gave it an A- then.

Sketch 3- A talk show with the Black Eyed Peas who aren't Fergie or Will.I.Am. This is one of the most original, amusing, and creative sketches SNL has come up with in a while. Their guest is Khloe Kardashian. Miley and Pharoah show up as Fergie and Will.I.Am. Very well done. A.

NEXT WEEK- ZACH GALIFIANAKAS AND JESSIE J!

Sketch 4- Turner Classic Movies tonight is giving us a look in to the cut scenes of The Sound of Music that featured the adopted hispanic comedian son Ricky. Look, the TCM sketch was funny the first couple times, but this is becoming too much, too often. B.

Sketch 5- Disney Channel School, with Miley as herself and Kenan as Raven. Teaching kids how to act so they can be on Disney Channel series. Funny. A-.

Sketch 6- The Miley Cyrus Show. Well they went there. Bayer as Miley, Sudeikis as Billy Ray. And her guest? Miley as Bieber! And Miley does a damn good Bieber! Excellent. A.

Music 1- The Strokes perform "Under Cover of Darkness."

Weekend Update- I had several sound problems with my TV starting this point, so my comments will be light. There was some Charlie Sheen discussion. Sudeikis stopped by as the Devil to talk about Westboro Baptist Church. Moynihan's second hand news guy came by again. B.

Sketch 7- The horrible French tv show sketch is back! They did it with Emma Stone, and now they're doing it with Miley. They speak French, they fight, then they dance. It's bad. F.

Sketch 8- A fake promo for Beastly, but featuring Miley and Samberg. Ehh. B-.

Sketch 9- An ad parody with Miley and Wiig for some sort of skin cream and CDs. I didn't really catch the gist of this. C.

Music 2- The Strokes perform a second song.

Sketch 10- Miley is a cruise ship singer who thinks the people on the cruise are gross. It's that, over and over and over again. C.

Sketch 11- A promo for CBS and all the shows with death and murder in them. March is Gurney Month on CBS. B+.

Overall- Started strong, and my own personal viewing issues affected the second half. Better than I expected from Miley. A-.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x15: Brand/Brown

Russell Brand hosts SNL for the first time tonight. While he has never previously appeared, his wife, Katy Perry, was musical guest for the season premiere this season. Brand doesn't appear to be in any movie coming out soon, so his appearance is curious. Stand-up comedians are historically mediocre as SNL hosts, so it will be interesting to see.

Chris Brown is the musical guest tonight. It is his first appearance on SNL.

Some random predictions:
-I'm sure Perry will pop up. Just this week, Glee has done 2 of her songs, and she cameoed on HIMYM.
-We're really due for a What Up With That
-Musical guests have been prominent in sketches this season, so I'd expect Brown to factor in somehow. One would assume a YouTube Wedding/Forever sketch is a bit out of date (plus can you really improve on how The Office used it?) but we'll see.

Alright, be back at 11:30!

And it's time to take a break from brief writing for a bit of live blogging. Off we go!

For the record, I'm predicting an absolutely horrendous episode. So let's enjoy.

Sketch 1- And we're doing so Bill O'Reilly, with Jason Sudeikis. Kind of an awkward start. And part 3 of O'Reilly/Obama. O'Reilly doesn't know who the president of Afghanistan is. Pedrad plays Bill's assistant. He's interrupting Armisen the same O'Reilly did for Obama in the real interview. Now he's taking a pop culture quiz. And viewer mail. This wasn't anything special. B-.

Monologue- Brand is in a black suit with a black shirt and black tie. He's honored to be here. He's explaining us that he's much more famous in England than he is here. This is remarkably boring. He's oddly now addressing the subject of my brief. Now he's making Oscar predictions. Colin Firth and Natalie Portman, if you were wondering. Now this is just dragging. We're talking about hepatitis C. And he wishes a Happy Valentine's Day to his wife. People often ask him how it is to be married to Katy Perry, and it's apparently rather ordinary. This is still going on. Not a great start. C.

Sketch 2- Ad parody for Gublin & Green, a law firm that specializes in recovering for people who were injured by seeing Spiderman: Turn-Off the Dark. Including Bono, who had an injury to his reputation. They all got settlements of more Spiderman tickets. Absolutely brilliant. A+.

Sketch 3- Midbreak- we have some front lawn of a house. It's Travel Channel's Ultimate Vacation Giveaway. The host is really excited, and Brand will win and not care. Because we've had this sketch twice before. But Brand with a mullet is at least worth one laugh. I gave this a C+ when it was with Emma Stone. It isn't any different this time. Based on the previous times they've done this, something really basic is going to happen at the end, and Brand will get really excited about that. Every single thing is lasting forever tonight. Yup, the Pottery Barn catalogue does it for him. Same bad sketch a second time? D.

Sketch 4- It's a film ad for a British film that the critics love because it's British and they can't completely understand what they're saying. Don' You Go Rounin' Roun' To Re Ro. Pedrad clearly playing Helena Bonham Carter. The critic's comments are great. Amusing. A-.

Next new episode- March 5 with MILEY CYRUS and The Strokes!

Sketch 5- Midbreak- Looks like some sort of haunted dungeon, or a Vincent Price's Valentine's Day Special. Probably the latter. Nope, medieval England, where Brand is King Reginald and Killam is his food taster. King Reginald has had a day of receiving death threats, and he insults Hader the chef, so the food taster is pretty nervous. Oh, last night the king had the chef's family killed because the steak was a little tough. Oh Hader is also next in line to become king. Now he's just saying he's going to poison the king. This would be one of those annoying one joke sketches if there was one joke. Hader just dumped a bottle labled poison in there. Killam eats it, enjoys it, and dies. Oh then the king stuttered and they called it The Kings Speech. That pretty much made it awful. F.

Music 1- Chris Brown performs "Yeah 3x." That's really the name of the song. I'm not kidding.

Next Sunday there's an "SNL Backstage" special. Just a public service message. The more you know.

Weekend Update- Mubarak. CPAC, "or as some call it Tea Party ComicCon." Christopher Lee. Super Bowl Ratings and Christina Aguilera. And here now, Hasni Mubarak, who is of course a Catskills comedian played by Armisen. This isn't funny. AOL-HuffPo. Iranian foreign food ban. Keith Olbermann on Current TV. Dog return. Superpower poll. Lil Wayne and Eminem debuting theeir new Valentine's Day single. Pharoah and Killam. Pharoah is owning Lil Wayne, except he's missing the grill. Eminem is apparently playing Teller to Lil Wayne's Penn. Then he raps. Not surprisingly, it's mean spirited towards women. Colorado medical marijuana trailers. Go Diego Go porn. Lady GaGa on 60 Minutes. Heated pool. And here's Stefan on the hottest spots for Valentine's Day in NYC. The hottest new clubs are: Boof- an abandoned orphanage from narcolectic club owner Snoozon Lucci, also there's a coked up gremlin. Stefan apparently has a thing for Meyers. Hader is breaking. And he loses it. This one was built on a dare by a 90-year old club owner. It has Jewpids- Jewish cupids who just want you to meet someone nice and settle down. You could also just stay home and give your significant other a human suitcase- when a midget wears all of your clothes and you roll them through the airport. And Seth lets Stefan be his valentine. A weak WU, but Stefan really lightened things up. B.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- we look to have some sort of day care, or kids play place. Oxygen's Living Single. Hosted by Bayer, with Killam as the DJ. It's for you, "whether you're a widow, a divorcee, or just a single gal." Elliott and Wiig are in the crowd. Apparently the DJ is in love with the host, and has asked her out several times, but she keeps saying know because she's better off single. And here's renown pastry chef Damion Cryer, played by Brand. He's successfully seducing her. Still waiting on the joke. I don't think it's coming. Just a waste of time. F.

Sketch 7- Midbreak- Hader, and someone else, are playing old women. Samberg and Brand are also dressed up as old women. They're pretty much just talking like old women. They're having tea. And then there's an earthquake, and they spill tea all over. Hey look, they also have a tall cabinet full of glass. And there's another earthquake. The audience is loving this. I don't know why. This is just total garbage. F.

Music 2- This time Brown asks how the ladies are doing tonight. I feel like female interest must be pretty low. Then he performs "No Bullshit."

Sketch 8- We're closing with a political sketch? They've developed a time machine, brought in President Washington, and they'll see what he says about modern times. The namesake of my alma mater is played by Brand. He procedes to beat up John Boehner. Then Nancy Pelosi stabs him. This is a very odd sketch, and it seems to be in a strange time spot. B.

Overall- This was not a good hour and a half of comedy. In fact, it was rather pathetic. The two recorded segments were excellent, and the opening and closing sketches were alright. But everything else was pretty much awful, and it dragged, as you can see with there only being 8 sketches. D-.

Some Random Thoughts About SNL 36x14 Carvey/Linkin Park

Tonight, former SNL cast member Dana Carvey hosts SNL for the fourth time. Carvey is most famous for his time on SNL, where he portrayed The Church Lady, Garth from Wayne's World, and George H.W. Bush. Carvey first hosted in 1994, where former President Bush came on to comment about Carvey's impersonation. He came back to host again in 1996, and one more time in 2000. Although he has kept quiet since his 2002 film The Master of Disguise, he brought back his H.W. impression for this Funny or Die video last year.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

Linkin Park returns as the musical guest for the second time. The first time they appeared was in 2007, also with a former SNL cast member hosting, that time Molly Shannon.

Here are my predictions:
-Rumors are out that Justin Bieber will cameo on tonight's episode. He's been in New York all week promoting his new movie, and has popped up at a Knicks game, and at The Daily Show and The Late Show with David Letterman. I'm sure he'll pop up at least once, if not more.
-I would expect at least Mike Myers, and possible more of Carvey's former castmates to pop up.
-I would expect at least an H.W. impression and a Church Lady sketch.
-We're due for a What Up With That. Fingers crossed.

See you back at 11:30!

Sketch 1- And we're starting out with Wayne's World. That was quick. I have to leave people who were SNL fans during Myers and Carvey's era to be a real judge of this, I started after that era. Anyway, it holds up rather well, and the studio audience is clearly enjoying it. They're discussing this years Oscar nominees, and it's amazing to think the writers can't come up with characters similar to this today. Certainly pumped up the audience with that one. A.

Monologue- Carvey reflects back on his first episode on SNL, back in 1986 with host Sigourney Weaver. Carvey states that while no SNL cast is better than any other SNL cast, this does not include the casts from 1986-1993. This leads him into a song. Wiig agrees that his cast was awesome. Carvey doesn't know Wiig or Hader's names. He mentions a lot of his old characters. And here is Jon Lovitz to help Carvey with his point. Quite amusing. A-.

Sketch 2- Kenan is in a hotel. Oh, this is the black noise promo, we saw earlier this season. It was amusing then, but come on, you can't keep repeating the same ad parodies. It got an A- back on episode 2, so I'll keep it the same. A-.

Sketch 3- Midbreak- stained glass, kinda looks like a churh, what could that mean? Yup, it's Church Chat with The Church Lady. We're taking a look at all the evil shows that have taken over the airways, like Skins "some kind of SportsCenter for pedaphiles." And here are the "holy trinity of sluts," the Kardashians, with Pedrad as Kim "the hot one," Bayer as Kourtney "the smart one," and Elliott as Khloe "the third one." And we get our first "well isn't that special." I wonder if there will be any original sketches tonight. I'm not complaining, just wondering. Now, the star of the MTV show "Jersey Whore," Snooki, as played by Moynihan. And Hader plays a priest casting out the demon from Snooki's body, but Snooki tackles him. Carvey improvs and draws attention to it. And here is Justin Bieber, as himself. Ah, The Church Lady has caught the Bieber Fever. And Jesus calls Bieber his finest creation. It was a long sketch, but for Carvey's most famous character, it makes sense. A-.

NEXT WEEK- RUSSELL BRAND AND CHRIS BROWN!!! 

Sketch 4- Midbreak- Looks like some sort of school or government office setting. Ah, it's VH1's Celebrity Teen Crisis Center. Kenan's teen calls and talks to Hader's Alan Alda who advises him to join a gang. Killam calls and gets Carvey's Mickey Rooney. Pedrad gets Ice-T. Brittain gets Elliott's Anna Farris. Wiig gets Pharoah's Eddie Murphy. None of the celebs are helpful, but it's a nice chance for them to play out some impressions, and I'm all for impression sketches. A-.

Sketch 5- A male version of The Roommate, with Bieber and Samberg. Short and sweet. A.

Music 1- Linkin Park performs Waiting for the End.

Weekend Update- Egypt. Kenneth Cole tweet. "Winners/Losers: Egypt" "you cannot punch the handsome off of Anderson Cooper." Charlie Sheen. Denny's. And here to talk about the Oscars, James Franco, as played by Killam. And it's good. Really, really good. For a second I actually thought it was Franco. Sean Diddy Combs lawsuit. Trained dog. Long fingernail woman. Christina Hendricks' cleavage. Talking about the weather storm, Wiig as a meteorologist/former disco queen. That pretty much goes how you'd expect. Mini tattoo. Chinese New Year. Empire State Building Run-Up. That was a decent Update but Wiig's character killed it. B-.

Sketch 6- Midbreak- This kinda looks like the Live with Regis and Kelly set. Sidenote- Has Sudeikis appeared tonight? I don't think so. It is in fact Live with Regis and Kelly. Carvey is Regis, Pedrad is Kelly. Carvey's Regis is brilliant. Pedrad's Kelly is, uh, not. Brittain is an okay Gelman. We're discussing potential Regis replacements. Anderson Cooper, Howie Mandel ("a seal with a soul patch"), Mark Consuelos. Regis is going to start the Regis network. And here's Kathy Lee, here to say goodbye. Guess what? She's drunk. And now she's singing. Mediocre, but the Regis was great. B.

Sketch 7- Midbreak- There's a lot more of the midbreak look-ins lately. This time all we saw was a shiny curtain. Carvey and Kenan are playing pageant coordinators. Oh it's a little girl pageant. Bayer is an 11 year-old in a ridiculous dress. Elliott is a 10 year-old in a ridiculous dress. Wiig is also in a ridiculous dress. She won the Little Miss Maybe You Heard About Me Pageant. Now we have a 5 year-old Pedrad with a parasol. Samberg is a boy, and the rules state he's allowed to be in pageants until he is 11. One day he wants to abolish the 11 year cut-off point. This is just raw time killer, but if this is the low point of the episode we have a solid episode. C+.

Sketch 8- An ad for an Elliott character who will spread bad news for you. She does firings, divorces, and her rattling off of nothing apparently works. She doesn't do pets or hospitals. Nothing spectacular, but I always approve of use of Elliott. That seems like it could've been filmed months ago and was just sitting there until there was an open spot, so that worries me about the last couple of sketches tonight. B-.

Music 2- Carvey, Myers, and Lovitz introduce Linkin Park who are appearing in black and white for their song When They Come for Me. It is odd. Very, very odd.

Sketch 9- We're at a Packers bar, and look, Jason Sudeikis showed up. And there's an odd band, The Fingerlings, with Armisen, Carvey, Hader, and Killam. They're playing as the game starts, which is frustrating the fans. That seems to be the only joke. Everyone left the bar. That's all. Not good. D.

Overall- A top heavy show, but the top was so unbelievably good that it held up a weaker ending. Carvey brought out an energy that SNL needs to succeed. And even Bieber was funny. A-.